volkamenia | a strong wind at my back [semi/shirabu, single dad au]

a strong wind at my back [semi/shirabu, single dad au]

[Okay. Today's important. Meeting the lawyer. Important first meetings.

Checklist.

- Teeth. Clean.
- Shower. Probably scrubbed too hard. Soap got in his eyes.
- Hair. Brushed. Brushed enough. He never got it to stick flat after high school, he blames the bleach.
- Ugh.
- Suit. Yeah, sure.
- Ohmygod he actually does not care.
- Tie. Fuck.
- Wait. What the fuck is the lawyer's name.
- FUCK.
- FUCK!!!!!
- Rui.

Semi pushes his mild panic attack off to the side to peek into the room where mentioned love of his life should be with his little brother (his other love of his life). They're both there, they're fine, and honestly just looking at Rui simmers all the nerves that were catching fire in Semi.

He's a grand mess right now, not that he'd ever admit that within earshot of Kunimi, but he's doing it for Rui. And if it's for Rui then it's worth every inch of stress and awkward conversation with a lawyer that doesn't actually care about his well-being. Because if one good thing came from this godforsaken marriage (he shouldn't call it that. he loved her, he truly did), it was Rui. He was going to talk to this lawyer and make it clear to them that he didn't care about anything else. She could have the apartment, the furniture, the money - whatever she wanted, as long as he could keep Rui.

His child. His little bundle of a bean that resembles and acts far too much like his uncle but smiles chubby and precious whenever he sees Semi.

Semi takes a deep breath. He smiles for Rui and then gets to gathering all the documents that have ended up scattered with all his nights of pacing.]

I gotta scoot. Are you sure you'll be okay with him today, Akira?

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[ Shirabu huffs, a little put off by the rudeness (disappointed but not surprised) but also maybe a little amused? Just a little, though. He's definitely not even a little charmed by this entirely soft and domestic side of Semi, nope, nuh uh. ]

Yeah. I'm surprised, Semi-san. [ nom nom nom ]

[Semi is a grown adult who is very proud of this skill he learned all by himself. He makes food and food makes the people he loves happy!!! He grins hard at Shirabu but doesn't say anything more about it, just goes back to eating.

At the end of the dinner, Semi finds himself wishing he had a reason to keep Shirabu from leaving. But unfortunately, that's not the case and Shirabu probably has to return to work early in the morning tomorrow or something otherwise stuffy and responsible. So Semi has to say his goodbyes.

He bounces Rui in his arms while watching Shirabu get his things together.] Thanks for coming over, Shirabu. I know you said no more thanks was necessary, but it really means a lot.

[They finally got to hang out outside of Shirabu's office!! Doki.]

[ sorry he's a grown adult with a responsible adult job??????

Shirabu tucks the drawing from Rui safely in his briefcase and gives Semi a polite nod. ] I should be thanking you for inviting me, and for the food. So thank you. [ Gosh Semi, you're really so weird. He gives a much smaller but still polite nod in Kunimi's direction, then addresses both Semi and Rui. ] I'll see you another time?

[ Question mark??? Is this going to become a regular thing...? ]

[Semi perks up. Does?? Shirabu actually want this to become a regular thing? Because if so, yes?? Heck yes.] Yeah! [Heghghg don't sound so eager though, idiot.] I mean, yeah, whenever you're free we can do dinner again. I'll text you at least.

[You're not getting rid of him that easy.

But, Rui, seeming to sense the incoming 'goodbyes' starts getting fussy in Semi's arms. He whines softly, before squirming away from Semi's chest so he can reach for Shirabu. His tiny little fists make grabby hands in his direction. "Shiwabu..." Semi can't help but laugh.] Alright, geez, you wanna say goodbye to Shirabu, too?

[He makes the motion to hand Rui off.] Just for a second okay, kiddo? He's gotta go.

[Shirabu's not getting a choice in this matter. He now has a child in his arms again.]

[ Oh! Hello tiny bean that is definitely his child now, not Semi's. Shirabu still isn't 100% sure what he's doing when it comes to Rui, but he can hold him securely enough.

Once in his arms, he gives Rui a little squeeze. ] Thank you again for the drawing, Rui. I'll see you later.

[ And then he's going to try to hand Rui back to Semi. ... "Try", because who knows how much Rui's actually going to want to budge. ]

["Try" is the keyword here because, true to everyone's predictions, Rui remains stubborn and fussy. Those tiny little fists from before now grab and hold a vice grip on Shirabu's shirt and he leans his head on Shirabu's shoulder.

"No."

Semi blinks. Sputters.] H-hey come on now, Rui.

"No!"

[ Shirabu looks at Semi, a silent plea of "please help me, please I'm not actually ready to be a dad despite these bracket comments implying otherwise, and regardless and I'm thoroughly convinced I'll be a shitty one" in his eyes, then looks down at the small child and steadies his voice. ]

Rui... I have to go home now. Okay? [ PLEASE SAVE HIM ]

[Semi shoots Shirabu a very apologetic look in return. Because, ha ha, really, okay, Rui's had stubborn fits before but none like this. He puts a hand on Rui's waist and the other on his back to settle him and hopefully pry him off but in response, Rui only whines again. "Noooooo."

And Semi let's go immediately.] Well, I guess you have to go home with Shirabu, then. [Don't worry he's not throwing Shirabu under the bus with this just wait.] So you'll have to say goodbye to daddy and uncle Akira instead.

[Because that should work, right? Rui doesn't really like to be separated from Semi, and especially not Kunimi. The child does look a little conflicted, screwing his eyebrows together and pursing his lips, but he still returns to Shirabu and clings.]

Wow.

[Cue his heart shattering. But he tries one more time, putting his hands on Rui.] Rui, I'm serious. Shirabu has to go home. You'll see him again.

[He gives Shirabu another look. Back him up here.]

[ top ten anime betrayals

Instead of turning to Rui, he keeps his eyes on Semi for a moment as he thinks. ] ... I'll come over next week? If that's okay. [ He sounds incredibly unsure of himself because he can't just invite himself over like that!! That'd be rude, even with Semi!!!!!!!! ]

[Oh, geez. Shirabu looking at him like that makes Semi's feel very nervous for a second. He has to look away, so he focuses on Rui.] Yeah. Yeah! See, Rui? He'll be over next week.

[Rui still doesn't seem thrilled, but he is at least assured enough to let Shirabu be on his way for the night.

Over the next number of months, more than half a year, and much to Semi's surprise, Shirabu makes it a habit to try and come over for dinner once every week. There are some weeks he can't make it, too busy with work, but he is diligent about it and he becomes a constant in Semi and Rui's life. Shirabu may not have expected it, but he's gotten to watch Rui grow alongside Semi and Kunimi.

The next time Shirabu comes over, it's nearing the end of the year (and nearing Rui's birthday, too). It gets darker outside sooner, and there's a light dusting of snow that the wind blows in when the door is opened for Shirabu. As per usual, he's greeted by Rui throwing himself at his legs and hugging him tight.]

Daddy, daddy, daddy! Shirabu's here!! [Rui's gotten better at speaking. He's not so shy anymore, speaks more confidently in longer sentences and can properly pronounce Shirabu's name now.]

[ It's a surprise to everyone, Shirabu especially, how visiting Semi, Rui, and Kunimi goes from being a big deal, something that he feels he should prepare for in some way shape or form, to simply another part of Shirabu's week. As thoughtless yet essential as his weekly grocery runs.

He would never admit it aloud (it's hard enough just admitting it to himself), but... he loves this. Loves seeing Rui grow up, loves actually getting to know Kunimi as his cold exterior melts (he never blamed him for that, even when Kunimi himself admitted feeling a little bad for being so wary after all the experiences in high school - they've both changed since then), loves spending time with Semi, quietly chatting in his living room after Rui and Kunimi have gone to bed. And loves kinda sorta maybe being an unofficial part of this tight-knit family with so much love in their hearts.

(And, while he really doesn't want to admit this, he thinks he might just love Semi, period.)

Without even batting an eye, Shirabu squats down to scoop Rui in his arms, gives him a small kiss on the cheek, and gives a greeting to Kunimi before stepping into what he could call his third home. ] Good evening, Semi. [ It's probably a weirdly familiar sight now, seeing Shirabu toting around Rui. ]

[Rui gives Shirabu a much bigger kiss and that's when Semi gets a good look at the two of them. It is weirdly familiar now, but seeing Shirabu so comfortable with Rui and vice versa never ceases t make Semi smile. It makes his whole body warm.

This is the sort of domestic bliss he had wanted with Aiko and he's very aware of how alarming that thought is.]

Hey! You got in just in time, weather says the snows gonna really start coming down hard soon. [But hopefully not hard enough that Shirabu can't leave later. How terrible would that be.] Dinner's almost ready but we're gonna eat in the living room since Rui wants to -- [And Rui interrupts him.]

"We got a movie! It's got monsters and fairies and -- "

[Semi levels with him. Kids movies.........] ... if you don't mind.

[ Shirabu says evenly, like it's the most obvious thing in the world: ] I don't mind. [ He's not about to argue with the cutest and best child in the universe, okay? (Not that Rui has any competition because he's the only child that Shirabu actually likes. The point still stands.) But he also doesn't mind sitting and zoning out and not having to hold a conversation after a long day at work where he's honestly feeling a little tired.

He bounces Rui in his arms and, though he's pretty sure he knows the answer already, asks the same ol' question he's been asking for months now. ] Do you need any help?

[Semi laughs from the kitchen, light and airy over the sizzle of something frying.] No. You can help when you live here.

[It's such a throw away line, Semi hopes Shirabu wont think much of it or even consider how much Semi actually means it.

When dinner is finished and served, and the dvd has been popped into the player, Semi squeezes between Kunimi and Shirabu on the couch. Rui eats at the coffee table while the movie plays, but when he finishes he has three whole comfy laps to choose from. And unless Shirabu's still eating................ he chooses his lap to crawl up on to.

(Sorry Kunimi, you've been dethroned.)]

[ After all the months of apparent favoritism, Shirabu isn't surprised in the slightest when Rui decides to make himself comfortable in his lap. (And neither is Kunimi - he's past his time of being almost offended by this.) Shirabu simply wraps his arms loosely around the small child and tries to focus on the movie.

"Tries" being the key word here. Because while it's not something he'd normally watch (he hardly watches movies at all) he also doesn't want to be rude. But it's been a long day, and there's something about sitting on a comfortable couch around people he feels he can relax around and not having to think at all that makes him a little... slee...py.............

Partway through the movie, his eyes droop shut and he drifts off quietly, leaning ever-so-slightly against Semi. ]

[Shirabu's leaning is ever-so-so-slight that Semi doesn't notice until the movie is over, and he doesn't think he has ever been so fond of another human being that isn't directly related to him. The warmth that fills his heart is immeasurable. It's not just Shirabu touching him that gets to him - it's that Shirabu feels comfortable enough with them now that he can relax enough to fall asleep. It's such a vast difference to how Shirabu approached him in high school and even at the beginning of their professional relationship.

This somehow feels entirely different than how being with Aiko made Semi feel. Semi loved her - he will never deny that - but being with Aiko came with so many cluttered emotions he could never settle. Just being in the same space as Shirabu, being friends with him, feels light. Easy. Shirabu bring him a lot of comfort that he hopes he also feels in return.

The deeper meaning behind these feelings, though, scares Semi a little. It can't be so. It's too soon.

When Semi stills his heart enough to get up and pick up the dishes, he finally notices the icing on the cake. Not only is Shirabu asleep, but Rui has fallen asleep on his chest as well. Semi can't help but whine softly. He's very attacked. He wishes he could sketch this.

But if Rui's asleep, then he needs to be taken to bed. Semi gingerly picks up his son and hands him off to Kunimi for now. He'll kiss him goodnight but first he needs to wake up Shirabu, too. He needs to be going home.

(If he can)]

Hey. Shirabu...

[ It takes Shirabu a moment to stir - he really is quite tired - but with some persistence and a gentle shoulder shake on Semi's part, his eyes open slowly. ]

Mm...? [ He breathes in deeply, stifling a yawn as he begins waking up. His vision adjusts to the light of the room, and soon after the realization sinks in that he's still very much in Semi's home. ]

Uh. [ Whoops. But Shirabu's quick to get to his feet, visibly embarrassed as he gathers his things. There's his bag, his coat, his shoes-- ] I'm sorry. I should get going-

[ As he passes by a window, he glances outside, only to see several inches of snow on the ground. While he won't outright swear in a house with a small child who clings to him so very tightly, he will mutter a curse under his breath and turn back to Semi. ] ... Semi. Can you drive in the snow? [ because uhhhhh his tiny car sure can't handle that ]

[Oh, Shirabu you sweet summer child.

Semi watches Shirabu scramble to gather his things and just waits for him to stop and realize. The weather channel had warned that the snow might pick up later in the evening but it had gone way beyond that while they were watching the movie. It's not just snowing outside, it's storming now. SO much so that when Shirabu asks, Semi can't help but snort.] No one's driving in that.

Looks like you're stuck here for the night. [Which isn't a problem for Semi, sans his bi panic. But for Shirabu... Yeah he's gotten more comfortable with them but this might be pushing it a bit.] Rui already sleeps with Akira most nights, so I'll change my sheets and get you set up in my room.

[Because, clearly, Semi is going to sleep on the couch. Or cuddle puddle with the fam.]

[ Shirabu's not entirely uncomfortable with the fact he has to stay the night, per se, but there's something about sleeping in the bed of the guy you may or may not have a lot of feelings for that's a little... ...............

So he simply shakes his head as he sets his stuff down neatly. ] That's not necessary - I'll sleep on the couch. [ binch ]

[Semi puts his hands on his hips. Authoritative.] Why would you sleep on the couch when there's a perfectly good bed?

[You gonna fight him on this? Binch?]

[ Shirabu crosses his arms. Also authoritative. ] Because it's your bed and it's just for one night?

[ Binch???????? ]

Exactly: it's just for one night. I'll sleep in the other bed.

[Binch!!!!!!!!!!]

I'll sleep on the couch.

[ Binch. ]

Sleep. On the damn. Bed.

No.

[ And at that moment, Kunimi pokes his head out of his room and gives them both A Look™, equally authoritative. ]

Stop arguing - Rui's trying to sleep.

[ Binches. ]

[Semi startles at Kunimi's interruption, the lift in his voice about to continue their argument shrinking down.

His voice becomes sheepish but he does not look away from Shirabu. And he points, slowly, towards the bedroom.] You heard the man, Shirabu. Now go to the room.

[The dad in him is coming out oops.]

[ Shirabu holds his tongue as he looks at Semi, Kunimi, and then Semi again. There's an urge to keep arguing because he still doesn't necessarily want to sleep in Semi's bed by himself - but he doesn't want to give Kunimi any reason to be mad at him again.

So flatly, he replies ] Fine. [ and grabs Semi by the wrist to pull him into his room, too.

If he can't sleep on the couch, then neither of them can. ]

[Shirabu shocks the breath right out of semi until they’re into the bedroom and it hits him all at once.]

Wait – wait, Shirabu, what the hell are you thinking? [He keeps his voice low so Kunimi (and most importantly, Rui) wont be bothered. They’re no longer arguing but Semi’s not done yet.]

[ ... that's a fair question. But: ] We're not getting anywhere talking about it. I don't want you sleeping on the couch and you don't want me to, either.

So we're sharing a bed.

[ How serious is he about this? Serious enough that his voice doesn't waver at the suggestion of sleeping next to his crush. ]

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zemi - 2019-01-11 07:21 (UTC) - Expand

My answer is not going to change, Semi. [ PERISH, ZURA ]

[Hough geez, he's serious. Semi runs his hand through his hair, avoiding looking at Shirabu's face.] Fine. Fine, it's better than nothing. [His poor heart is just going to explode is all.

Semi gathers some extra blankets and pillows to distract himself as they head into the room together (together?!?!?!?!!?). And, true to his word, he changes the sheets, too, so Shirabu can sleep on something fresh.]

I have an extra shirt you can wear to sleep but I dunno about bottoms. They might just fall off you. [Yes, yes, make a weak hearted jab to ignore how he's pretty much sabotaging himself by offering his clothes. Just the thought of Shirabu wearing his clothes makes his heart beat even louder.]

[ While Semi gets the bed all set up for the two of them, Shirabu takes a moment to sort through his work briefcase. If he'd known about the snow (or, more accurately, if he'd taken a moment to actually breathe and listen to the weather report) he might've brought more than his laptop with him... after all, if he's snowed in now, who's to say he's going to be able to leave in the morning? For all he knows he could be stuck at Semi's until the weather clears up.

But that's out of his hands now. There's no turning back the clock to get files from the depths of his desk drawer - just as there's no way to back out of this sleeping arrangement, now that Semi's going along with it and making jokes about how small he is compared to him.

Shirabu stares blankly at Semi, setting his work stuff down on what he's silently declaring to be his side of the bed. ] It's cold. I'm not sleeping without pants. [ binch? ] Don't you have any with drawstrings?

Uhhh. Maybe. Let me check.

[On second thought, Shirabu sleeping without pants in the same bed as Semi may have actually legit killed him. So Semi's rather grateful when he does manage to dig out a pair with drawstrings. They've got paint on them, but it'll do.

He throws them and a shirt at Shirabu.] Change. I'm going to go say goodnight to Rui and Akira.

[And when he staggers (reluctantly) back into the room, Shirabu better be fully changed.]

[ Luckily for Semi, Shirabu will be dressed and underneath the covers by the time he reenters the room, so his poor bisexual heart won't have to suffer from seeing his exposed chest, or just how much looser his pants are around his waist and legs. (He also misses the face Shirabu, almost... fond, as he stares at the clothes on his body and wonders what pieces he's painted while wearing them.)

But as he's sitting up in bed, checking his phone one last time and adjusting his morning alarms, the neckline of the shirt droops enough to show off his collarbones - something that Shirabu doesn't even noticed. ] Are they asleep? [ Not that he's going to admit to feeling bad about keeping Rui up. The argument was necessary. ]

[No collarbones should be that attractive. Who does this kid think he is.

Semi perseveres. He scratches the back of his head. Nonchalant.] They're asleep. You know how Akira is, [sleepmaster 5000] and Rui picked that up from him so even if we were loud it's fine now. [Not that that's an excuse to be loud. He wants to make sure Rui gets all the sleep he needs. But he's out like a light again so really, it's fine.

He stares at the bed - his bed. his bed that Shirabu is currently in - for just a moment longer before climbing in too.

.................. well then. Awkward.]

Lights out?

[ As soon as Semi gets into bed, Shirabu turns off his phone screen and gets comfortable on his back. If he lets himself think or address how awkward this all is, then it would get really awkward, so he decides he simply won't dwell on it. ]

Lights out.

[ ... which, of course, is easier said than done. Once the lights are off and (un)comfortable silence settles over them, Shirabu spends what feels like an eternity unable to sleep, eyes closed but every fiber of his being hyper-focused on the fact that Semi is so close to him. Close enough to touch, if he were bolder. His breathing is soft, barely audible, and he can picture the serene look on his face as he sleeps in his mind's eye.

(But he doesn't dare look himself. He's not sure he actually wants to know his exact expression.)

Shirabu doesn't speak a word of the thoughts that ran through his head that night. Even after he rises the next morning and works a good portion of the day from the comfort of Semi's dining table, still bundled up in his clothes (they're warmer and cozier than his suit) his lips are sealed.

And for a few months, Shirabu is able to pretend as though nothing's changed. Like they didn't cross some sort of line into new, uncharted territory that neither of them are willing to name. But as he's sitting with Semi one night long after Kunimi and Rui have gone to bed, lightheartedly laughing along with whatever dumb thing he's saying, a feeling explodes within him.

He's comfortable here. He's thought that before, sure - but he's comfortable here and he doesn't want to leave.

And like that, the dam within his heart crumbles and he's left with a longing he's never felt before in his life. Not even his near obsession with Ushijima back in high school compares to this, to this desire to just close the damn distance between them and- and- he doesn't even know what but do something. His hands tighten at his sides to quell the nervous energy running through his limbs.

He starts ] Semi- [ but then immediately stops. His thoughts fly all over the place as he tries to apply at least a semblance of logic to all this, throw himself a proverbial life ring before he drowns in this sea of emotion. He couldn't- shouldn't say anything, right? It's been well over a year since Semi first approached him for a divorce but he's a divorced man for god's sake. He shouldn't- couldn't- but- but--!!

He shakes his head, mostly to himself. ] ... Never mind. It's nothing.

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