[Hitori startles back awake and the sudden jolt to consciousness only makes his head pound harder. His head pulses like his brain too big for his skull. But - what happened? How long did he fall back asleep for?
Gods, Nageki's hand is colder than usual. It feels kind of nice... -
Snap out of it, Hitori.]
I'm awake. [A rasp of an answer.] I'm getting up. [So he says, but once Hitori rises onto his forearms, he has to stop again. The pulsing intensifies with each movement he makes. He really is sick. Ugh - come on, be better than this! Nageki is depending on you!]
[ Normally, Nageki might let something like this slide. He knows Hitori better than the back of his own hand, after all - one of the reasons he's never a burden in Hitori's eyes is because, above all else, he feels he needs to be relied on. So he'll grumble to himself quietly and call it ridiculous, but he'll let himself be bundled in layers until Hitori's nerves settle, because it helps him feel a sense of self-worth.
It's because he knows this about him, though, that Nageki sits up in bed to confront him. ] No. [ Because he'll only push himself too hard, and make himself feel worse.
His hand moves to his shoulder as he (gently, but with purpose behind it) tries to coax Hitori into laying down again. ] Go back to sleep.
[There could be all the purpose in the world behind that hand and Hitori would still try to move past it if it meant taking care of Nageki. Because, yes, he truly loves Nageki more than he will ever possibly love himself. That's just how it is.
So despite Nageki's efforts, Hitori still pushes himself off his forearms until he's sitting up.] I'm fine, Nageki. Really. [He still takes that minute he previously asked for so his vision can stop swimming.
He forces a smile.] All I need is some food. I'll make us both breakfast.
[ Sometimes, when he's at his lowest, Nageki wonders how many of Hitori's smiles are actually natural.
He can tell instantly that this isn't one of them. ] Hitori... [ It's equally obvious to him that Hitori will continue to be stubborn about this, so he throws off the covers and gets out of bed. Why waste his breath over this, and make him talk more than he needs to? ] I'll make breakfast today. [ And he starts heading out the room and toward the kitchen.
(If he can't say "I'm fine", then neither can he.) ]
H-Hey, Nageki, wait! [Hitori scrambles out from under the covers to follow Nageki into the kitchen.
He knows he doesn't have to be the ideal young birdie when it's just him and Nageki. He knows very well that Nageki can, for the most part, take care of himself and do simple tasks like make breakfast. But there's still a part of Hitori that feels he'll have failed Nageki if he can't provide for him in every way. Having even the smallest upset in their usual routine is - he can't. He can't.
He may have to, though. Because the minute Hitori steps into the kitchen, the adrenaline fueled energy is sucked out of him almost as quickly as it came. The pulsing is suddenly back but now it's hammering and his whole body sways with heat. Hitori reaches out to grab something - anything - to keep himself steady.] Nageki - !
[ Nageki isn't surprised to hear Hitori following him - stubborn, stubborn, stubborn - but the sudden stumbling footsteps behind him as he sways startles him. ] Hitori...! [ He's quick to reach out and grab his hand, stepping forward to be that support he so clearly needs.
With his hand in his and the other around his waist, he can feel the warmth and clamminess of his skin much more clearly than before. His eyebrows furrow in frustration (at Hitori, but also at himself for not being more dependable) as he drapes Hitori's arm over his shoulder. ] Please, go back to bed... I don't want to see you like this. [ Not now. Not ever. ]
[There have been times, when Nageki was at his worst, that Hitori has felt truly useless. Helpless and unable to do anything for his most important person. That doesn't hold a candle to how useless and awful he feels now.
Hitori's not stupid. He knows just how much Nageki only let's him dote. The younger's exasperation is never lost on him. And overall he can tell what Nageki is feeling pretty well. Now, though, he can't read Nageki; can't place his tone of voice. The only thing Hitori can confidently assess is that he's not happy. Of course that much is clear. As clear as the fact that it's Hitori's fault.
He has to give in now. His body and heart clearly wont let him do anything else.]
....'m sorry. [He holds tight onto Nageki's arms.] I'm sorry. Help me back?
Of course... [ Nageki might be on the smaller side, but he still manages to get Hitori tucked into bed without incident. Once Hitori's comfortable under the covers, he dampens a towel for his forehead and fills a tall glass of water to leave on the nightstand beside him. He may not have a lot of experience as a doter but he's watched Hitori enough times to know what to do.
That confidence doesn't help him hide his worry, though, as he cups his cheek once more, brushing his thumb over the flushed skin.
He doesn't want to leave Hitori's side - but if he doesn't, Hitori might mentally unravel. He'd start worrying over him needlessly, blaming himself for getting sick and being unable to take care of him even when he's sick. So Nageki presses a light kiss to his forehead to stop those thoughts in their tracks. ] ... I'll be back soon.
[ He'll be gone only for the amount of time it takes to make some porridge, prepare some tea for himself, and pick up a book to read. Twenty minutes tops... but still a full twenty minutes Hitori's left to his thoughts. ]
[Fortunately (or unfortunately) for Hitori, the minute his head hits the pillow and his eyes close, he stops being able to make sense of the thoughts he's left to.
Shadows and kings dance behind his eyes. They make him dizzy even while he's laying still. And twenty minutes could have very well be twelve hours for Hitori. He isn't able to tell the difference.
He's not even sure how he can tell when Nageki returns to him. It's not like he can differentiate Nageki's heat from the heat already consuming him. Maybe it's his aura. Or how, when he returns, the shadows and kings back off. God, he loves Nageki. Nageki makes everything better.
Hitori's obviously a little delirious but now also feeling very fond. So even though he can't even totally open his eyes, his smile is extra dopey.] Nageki..
[ Well, at least he's feeling okay enough to smile - dopey as it is, it manages to make Nageki's heart flutter. Somehow, even in the worst of times, Hitori's able to put him at ease.
He removes the towel from his forehead and brushes back his hair in a gentle, soothing motion. ] Can you sit up? I made us breakfast. [ He's gonna spoon-feed him porridge. Hitori doesn't get a say in the matter. ]
[Nageki's the best in the world. This has got to be a dream, right?
Sitting up is a little bit of a struggle, but Hitori gets there with Nageki's help. His eyelids still feel heavy once he's upright so it's for the best that Nageki feeds him, too. He doesn't have the strength to argue for once.
And the porridge tastes good! It's a little hot and it's hard to swallow a lot at once, but Nageki takes care to make sure that doesn't happen. And, it tastes good! There was no doubt anything Nageki made would be delicious, but with as sick as he is Hitori is actually aware that food could taste like garbage. So, he's pretty pleased.] Thank you, Nageki... what would I do without you.
The thought, though ever-present in his mind, gets pushed away without hesitation today because the last thing he needs is for Hitori to waste precious energy worrying over him and his self-deprecating brain.
(Also, if he weren't here, who would be taking care of Hitori?)
He pauses in the middle of feeding him to kiss his forehead. ] You don't have to think about that. [ Or anything, actually.
Once Hitori finishes eating as much porridge as he's willing to stomach at the moment, Nageki gets comfortable on the edge of the bed with the book on his lap. ] You should go back to sleep... I can read to you, if you would like.
[Hitori lays back in bed, vaguely aware of how the porridge sits heavy and uncomfortable in his stomach.
All he can think of now, is how lovely Nageki reading to him would be. Nageki's voice is always soothing, but there's something about about it that is especially soothing when he reads. He hasn't heard that voice in a long while; not since the children died. But it still rings clear in his memory as if he'd heard is just the day before.
Nageki's reading voice is soft like a lullaby, and warm. He would always, slowly but surely, draw all the children in to listen.
Hitori hooks his finger into Nageki's top and settles deeper into his pillows with a dreamy sigh. This is okay, this is just fine. He'll be okay if he can fall asleep to Nageki reading.]
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no subject
Gods, Nageki's hand is colder than usual. It feels kind of nice... -
Snap out of it, Hitori.]
I'm awake. [A rasp of an answer.] I'm getting up. [So he says, but once Hitori rises onto his forearms, he has to stop again. The pulsing intensifies with each movement he makes. He really is sick. Ugh - come on, be better than this! Nageki is depending on you!]
Give me a minute.
no subject
It's because he knows this about him, though, that Nageki sits up in bed to confront him. ] No. [ Because he'll only push himself too hard, and make himself feel worse.
His hand moves to his shoulder as he (gently, but with purpose behind it) tries to coax Hitori into laying down again. ] Go back to sleep.
no subject
So despite Nageki's efforts, Hitori still pushes himself off his forearms until he's sitting up.] I'm fine, Nageki. Really. [He still takes that minute he previously asked for so his vision can stop swimming.
He forces a smile.] All I need is some food. I'll make us both breakfast.
no subject
He can tell instantly that this isn't one of them. ] Hitori... [ It's equally obvious to him that Hitori will continue to be stubborn about this, so he throws off the covers and gets out of bed. Why waste his breath over this, and make him talk more than he needs to? ] I'll make breakfast today. [ And he starts heading out the room and toward the kitchen.
(If he can't say "I'm fine", then neither can he.) ]
no subject
He knows he doesn't have to be the ideal young birdie when it's just him and Nageki. He knows very well that Nageki can, for the most part, take care of himself and do simple tasks like make breakfast. But there's still a part of Hitori that feels he'll have failed Nageki if he can't provide for him in every way. Having even the smallest upset in their usual routine is - he can't. He can't.
He may have to, though. Because the minute Hitori steps into the kitchen, the adrenaline fueled energy is sucked out of him almost as quickly as it came. The pulsing is suddenly back but now it's hammering and his whole body sways with heat. Hitori reaches out to grab something - anything - to keep himself steady.] Nageki - !
no subject
With his hand in his and the other around his waist, he can feel the warmth and clamminess of his skin much more clearly than before. His eyebrows furrow in frustration (at Hitori, but also at himself for not being more dependable) as he drapes Hitori's arm over his shoulder. ] Please, go back to bed... I don't want to see you like this. [ Not now. Not ever. ]
no subject
Hitori's not stupid. He knows just how much Nageki only let's him dote. The younger's exasperation is never lost on him. And overall he can tell what Nageki is feeling pretty well. Now, though, he can't read Nageki; can't place his tone of voice. The only thing Hitori can confidently assess is that he's not happy. Of course that much is clear. As clear as the fact that it's Hitori's fault.
He has to give in now. His body and heart clearly wont let him do anything else.]
....'m sorry. [He holds tight onto Nageki's arms.] I'm sorry. Help me back?
no subject
That confidence doesn't help him hide his worry, though, as he cups his cheek once more, brushing his thumb over the flushed skin.
He doesn't want to leave Hitori's side - but if he doesn't, Hitori might mentally unravel. He'd start worrying over him needlessly, blaming himself for getting sick and being unable to take care of him even when he's sick. So Nageki presses a light kiss to his forehead to stop those thoughts in their tracks. ] ... I'll be back soon.
[ He'll be gone only for the amount of time it takes to make some porridge, prepare some tea for himself, and pick up a book to read. Twenty minutes tops... but still a full twenty minutes Hitori's left to his thoughts. ]
no subject
Shadows and kings dance behind his eyes. They make him dizzy even while he's laying still. And twenty minutes could have very well be twelve hours for Hitori. He isn't able to tell the difference.
He's not even sure how he can tell when Nageki returns to him. It's not like he can differentiate Nageki's heat from the heat already consuming him. Maybe it's his aura. Or how, when he returns, the shadows and kings back off. God, he loves Nageki. Nageki makes everything better.
Hitori's obviously a little delirious but now also feeling very fond. So even though he can't even totally open his eyes, his smile is extra dopey.] Nageki..
no subject
He removes the towel from his forehead and brushes back his hair in a gentle, soothing motion. ] Can you sit up? I made us breakfast. [ He's gonna spoon-feed him porridge. Hitori doesn't get a say in the matter. ]
no subject
Sitting up is a little bit of a struggle, but Hitori gets there with Nageki's help. His eyelids still feel heavy once he's upright so it's for the best that Nageki feeds him, too. He doesn't have the strength to argue for once.
And the porridge tastes good! It's a little hot and it's hard to swallow a lot at once, but Nageki takes care to make sure that doesn't happen. And, it tastes good! There was no doubt anything Nageki made would be delicious, but with as sick as he is Hitori is actually aware that food could taste like garbage. So, he's pretty pleased.] Thank you, Nageki... what would I do without you.
no subject
The thought, though ever-present in his mind, gets pushed away without hesitation today because the last thing he needs is for Hitori to waste precious energy worrying over him and his self-deprecating brain.
(Also, if he weren't here, who would be taking care of Hitori?)
He pauses in the middle of feeding him to kiss his forehead. ] You don't have to think about that. [ Or anything, actually.
Once Hitori finishes eating as much porridge as he's willing to stomach at the moment, Nageki gets comfortable on the edge of the bed with the book on his lap. ] You should go back to sleep... I can read to you, if you would like.
no subject
All he can think of now, is how lovely Nageki reading to him would be. Nageki's voice is always soothing, but there's something about about it that is especially soothing when he reads. He hasn't heard that voice in a long while; not since the children died. But it still rings clear in his memory as if he'd heard is just the day before.
Nageki's reading voice is soft like a lullaby, and warm. He would always, slowly but surely, draw all the children in to listen.
Hitori hooks his finger into Nageki's top and settles deeper into his pillows with a dreamy sigh. This is okay, this is just fine. He'll be okay if he can fall asleep to Nageki reading.]
Yes, I'd like that..