[ Felix feels an emotion strike him square in the chest - an overwhelming urge to kiss that smile of his. He - he didn't think a simple smile could do such a thing to his heart.
He settles for leaning forward and touching his forehead to Dimitri's. ] Just don't lose yourself, and you'll be fine. [ or, don't become someone he doesn't recognize. ]
[Dimitri shakes his head, smile still prominent on his face.] I wont. Not this time. I promise.
[They may be in their own little world, but time still moves forward around them. While they're talking, catching up, Dimitri's hand never leaving Felix in some way, the sun gives way to the moon and darkness settles. It's only when his phone vibrates with an alarm (eat dinner, take your meds) does Dimitri startle out of their world.]
How - Goddess, when did it get so late? [A useless question.] Felix, I am so sorry.
[ Reluctantly, Felix lifts himself from his spot (more or less buried into Dimitri's side) and pulls out his phone. Huh. The day sure did fly by without either of them noticing. But he supposes that makes sense, as the abrupt end to their casual conversation leaves him realizing his throat's actually tired from how much he's talked. Normally he's a man of few words... but he supposes if anyone's going to make him behave differently, it's Dimitri.
He frowns, and is slow to release his hold on Dimitri's hand. ] It's fine. But I should go. [ ... he doesn't sound too convinced. ]
[It's shocking how cold Dimitri's side feels the moment Felix leaves it. Was it always like this? How did he ever live without him.] It's dark, though. [He only takes a moment to recover from blurting that out.] I wouldn't feel comfortable letting you walk alone in the dark. [Even if it is a short way.
He wrings the hem of his shirt in his hands.] You can stay here. My bed is big enough for two.
[He hopes this isn't too forward, too. He remembers their sleepovers when Felix visited. He remembers Felix climbing into his bed almost every night and curling up at his side. He remembers the comfort it brought him, and hopefully brought Felix too.]
[ Felix probably should insist on leaving. It's not like he hasn't walked home in the dark before - he often works out or studies in the library until late in the night to avoid being around people. But Dimitri's emotions - his nerves, his eagerness - are on full display, and he can't bring himself to say no.
(he, again, also really doesn't want to leave quite yet.)
But the offer to share a bed makes him pause. ] Are you sure? [ Yes, they used to sleep next to each other as kids, but they were kids. Not young adults with a lot of pent up emotion and memories. ]
[Isn't this what Felix had wanted during their school days? Hadn't he been tired of Dimitri's forced smiles and princely behavior? He'd been waiting for him to snap.
Dimitri gives a small nod.] It's just, this couch is a little small for either of us. [A pause.] We can put a pillow between us if you want?
[ ... Well. So long as he's thought this through. Or as thoroughly as one can when suddenly thrust into a situation like this.
So Felix shakes his head, pushing back the loose strands of his hair. ] That's not necessary. [ The sudden grumble of Felix's stomach provides an easy end to the conversation. He rises to his feet and makes his way to the kitchen without asking for permission first (and takes a moment to send a quick text to the worried ashe that he's fine, he's staying with a friend tonight, he'll see him sometime tomorrow). ] Come on. We need to eat something.
[It's easy to see why Felix would think that. The contents of Dimitri's fridge are currently: x number of miscellaneous takeout boxes, and cheese. A container of parmesan cheese. String cheese. Those little snack squares of cheddar cheese and small wheels of cheese. But that's exactly it, it's all for snacking -- !
Dimitri sputters.] No! I eat more than cheese. I'm still on the school's meal plan so that's just for when I'm at home. [Which isn't a great excuse because (and Felix can probably guess this) Dimitri spends a lot of time at home.]
[ Felix stares at Dimitri, entirely unconvinced. ]
You're hopeless. [ (says the one who's really no better.) He throws a string cheese to Dimitri and takes one for himself before closing the fridge. ] What do you want to eat? We'll order something.
[ He reaches into his pocket, but comes up empty and he realizes oh, right, his wallet's in his bag, which is in Lysithea's possession because he ran out of class like a lovesick fool, which Dimitri accurately guessed earlier.
Casually as possible, he shoves that hand back in his pocket. ] I'll pay you back later. [ smooth. ]
[They end up ordering from a Chinese place close by that Dimitri is very familiar with. He's almost certain the leftovers currently in the fridge are from the same place. But regardless. Eating together is as easy as talking together is. Dimitri even finds himself trying to sneak some of his pieces of chicken onto Felix's plate as he did in the past (his efforts are thwarted of course)
After eating, Dimitri leads Felix into his bedroom... which is not any better than the rest of his apartment. There's his bed, a dresser, and a desk. His desk is sparse given that he works mostly on the table in his living room, and only Greenie and a couple other trinkets are scattered about his dresser. He has a bedsheet thumbtacked to the wall in front of his window.
[ Given the general emptiness of the rest of his apartment, Felix isn't surprised by the lack of much in his bedroom. The succulent is a bit of a surprise - though he supposes that's why he has that succulent care book at all.
What really draws Felix's attention is the sorry excuse of a curtain tacked over the window. He gestures to the bedsheet with a blank stare. ] You couldn't get a curtain? [ tfw no rod???? ]
[First his fridge and now this?? Dimitri puffs up.] Were you always this judging? [Wait, yes, he was.] I don't know if I can put holes in the wall. The sheet works just fine for me.
[ Yes, he was. And in his defense, some of the judgment is really just curiosity with a really shitty tone.
But he digresses. ] If you say so. [ It does look like it'll get the job done, and it's really none of his business beyond him getting a potential rude awakening next morning.
Felix sits on the edge of his bed, making himself as at home as he did with every other room in his apartment. ] ... Are you tired? [ -- Wait, actually. ] Do you even sleep? [ HE'S ASKING OUT OF CONCERN, HE (very reluctantly, if you drag it out of him) SWEARS ]
[ well excuuuuuuuuse him for trying to express concern but being too emotionally constipated to do it properly!!!
But he looks away from Dimitri. ] Then get into bed. No reason to stay up if you're tired. [ Unceremoniously, he shucks off his jeans and pulls off layers until he's just in his t-shirt and underwear. Should he be more modest? Perhaps. But if Dimitri's not making a big deal out of all of this, then neither will he. ]
[Something about that has Dimitri laughing again. How can Felix go from so tactless and awful to genuinely caring? It's weird! Cute!] You're so strange, Felix.
[Aside from that small laughing fit, Dimitri really doesn't make a big deal of all this. Felix shucks off his jeans and Dimitri changes into his night clothes (a matching button down and sleep shorts. perhaps one of the few things in his apartment that will make sense to felix). He gets into bed, offering the spot next to him to Felix, and they sleep.
Dimitri sleeps much better in this life than he ever did before, but it still shocks him just how well he sleeps with Felix that night. Sleep finds him quickly and when he wakes up, he doesn't feel groggy. His eyes open and they stay open and there's no weight in his arms keeping him in bed. There's only the warmth of another person.
At some point in the middle of the night, they had turned towards each other, and so Dimitri is greeted by Felix's gentle sleeping face illuminated by the sun filtering through the sheet pinned to the wall. In that moment, there is only Dimitri and Felix in the world again. It belongs to them. All else quiets. Dimitri thinks he could watch Felix forever.]
[ On some nights, Felix dreams. He never remembers any details - only faint emotions and fuzzy images - but he has a feeling they're past memories. Moments in time in a war-torn land, and the academy days that were the calm before the storm.
But this time, he sleeps without dreaming. (even while resting, he refuses to be apart from dimitri.) And he's slow to wake for once, too, warm and comfortable in this bed barely big enough for two. ]
Mm... [ He shifts, face pressing briefly into his pillow as his senses come to him. That's right - he's not in his room. Ashe isn't nearby with breakfast waiting for him, in his fussy yet caring way. He's with... ] Dimitri? [ His eyes blink open, meeting his bright blue with his warm amber. ] What time is it?
[Dimitri's hand twitches under the covers. He finds himself wanting to reach out to touch Felix's face. But, he doesn't.] I don't know. Early. Did you sleep okay?
[ Felix pushes loose strands of hair out of his face. (sometime in the night, his messy bun came undone.) ] Yeah. ... Sleeping next to you wasn't bad. [ A bit of an understatement. ]
[ As it turns out, this Felix still blushes up to his ears sometimes.
Not that Dimitri has more than two seconds to appreciate that, when he's getting a pillow shoved in his face. ] Shut up. You know what I mean. [ h u m p h ]
[Dimitri laughs a real laugh that's loud and ugly. One he, and Felix, haven't heard in a long time.] I'm not sure if I do! [Know what Felix means, he means. But he hides behind the pillow in his face, doesn't try to fight it, as his laughter peters off into something gentler. Little snorts and giggles.] Oh, it's too early for this. We should get breakfast.
[ Oh, he missed that laugh. It never suited the prince of Faerghus, but it fit Dimitri to a T.
Felix eventually lets the pillow drop, and he has to resist the urge to kiss him mid-giggle. ] We should get going, before the lines get too long.
[ As reluctant as he is to return to the outside world, time continues to move on without them. So Felix gets dressed in yesterday's jeans and makes the short walk back to campus with Dimitri by his side.
(another day, he'll tell dimitri the truth. about how he wasn't there when he needed him most, and that his grief and regret haunted him for the rest of his (short) life.
and, perhaps, he can also say he loved him - from the day they met until his last breath, he loved, and loved, and loved. even when he hated him (or, rather, the beast he'd become), he loved him. the past tense on that doesn't feel quite right, though. all his feelings carried over from before, his love included.
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He settles for leaning forward and touching his forehead to Dimitri's. ] Just don't lose yourself, and you'll be fine. [ or, don't become someone he doesn't recognize. ]
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[They may be in their own little world, but time still moves forward around them. While they're talking, catching up, Dimitri's hand never leaving Felix in some way, the sun gives way to the moon and darkness settles. It's only when his phone vibrates with an alarm (eat dinner, take your meds) does Dimitri startle out of their world.]
How - Goddess, when did it get so late? [A useless question.] Felix, I am so sorry.
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He frowns, and is slow to release his hold on Dimitri's hand. ] It's fine. But I should go. [ ... he doesn't sound too convinced. ]
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He wrings the hem of his shirt in his hands.] You can stay here. My bed is big enough for two.
[He hopes this isn't too forward, too. He remembers their sleepovers when Felix visited. He remembers Felix climbing into his bed almost every night and curling up at his side. He remembers the comfort it brought him, and hopefully brought Felix too.]
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(he, again, also really doesn't want to leave quite yet.)
But the offer to share a bed makes him pause. ] Are you sure? [ Yes, they used to sleep next to each other as kids, but they were kids. Not young adults with a lot of pent up emotion and memories. ]
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Dimitri gives a small nod.] It's just, this couch is a little small for either of us. [A pause.] We can put a pillow between us if you want?
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So Felix shakes his head, pushing back the loose strands of his hair. ] That's not necessary. [ The sudden grumble of Felix's stomach provides an easy end to the conversation. He rises to his feet and makes his way to the kitchen without asking for permission first (and takes a moment to send a quick text to the worried ashe that he's fine, he's staying with a friend tonight, he'll see him sometime tomorrow). ] Come on. We need to eat something.
[ So he opens up the fridge and-- ]
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... Dimitri. [ He looks over his shoulder in the direction of the other boy. ] Do you only eat cheese?
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Dimitri sputters.] No! I eat more than cheese. I'm still on the school's meal plan so that's just for when I'm at home. [Which isn't a great excuse because (and Felix can probably guess this) Dimitri spends a lot of time at home.]
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You're hopeless. [ (says the one who's really no better.) He throws a string cheese to Dimitri and takes one for himself before closing the fridge. ] What do you want to eat? We'll order something.
[ He reaches into his pocket, but comes up empty and he realizes oh, right, his wallet's in his bag, which is in Lysithea's possession because he ran out of class like a lovesick fool, which Dimitri accurately guessed earlier.
Casually as possible, he shoves that hand back in his pocket. ] I'll pay you back later. [ smooth. ]
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After eating, Dimitri leads Felix into his bedroom... which is not any better than the rest of his apartment. There's his bed, a dresser, and a desk. His desk is sparse given that he works mostly on the table in his living room, and only Greenie and a couple other trinkets are scattered about his dresser. He has a bedsheet thumbtacked to the wall in front of his window.
He is living his basic bitch college boy life.]
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What really draws Felix's attention is the sorry excuse of a curtain tacked over the window. He gestures to the bedsheet with a blank stare. ] You couldn't get a curtain? [ tfw no rod???? ]
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But he digresses. ] If you say so. [ It does look like it'll get the job done, and it's really none of his business beyond him getting a potential rude awakening next morning.
Felix sits on the edge of his bed, making himself as at home as he did with every other room in his apartment. ] ... Are you tired? [ -- Wait, actually. ] Do you even sleep? [ HE'S ASKING OUT OF CONCERN, HE (very reluctantly, if you drag it out of him) SWEARS ]
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I'm getting more tired by the second. [Tired of your bullshit!!!!!!]
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But he looks away from Dimitri. ] Then get into bed. No reason to stay up if you're tired. [ Unceremoniously, he shucks off his jeans and pulls off layers until he's just in his t-shirt and underwear. Should he be more modest? Perhaps. But if Dimitri's not making a big deal out of all of this, then neither will he. ]
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[Aside from that small laughing fit, Dimitri really doesn't make a big deal of all this. Felix shucks off his jeans and Dimitri changes into his night clothes (a matching button down and sleep shorts. perhaps one of the few things in his apartment that will make sense to felix). He gets into bed, offering the spot next to him to Felix, and they sleep.
Dimitri sleeps much better in this life than he ever did before, but it still shocks him just how well he sleeps with Felix that night. Sleep finds him quickly and when he wakes up, he doesn't feel groggy. His eyes open and they stay open and there's no weight in his arms keeping him in bed. There's only the warmth of another person.
At some point in the middle of the night, they had turned towards each other, and so Dimitri is greeted by Felix's gentle sleeping face illuminated by the sun filtering through the sheet pinned to the wall. In that moment, there is only Dimitri and Felix in the world again. It belongs to them. All else quiets. Dimitri thinks he could watch Felix forever.]
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But this time, he sleeps without dreaming. (even while resting, he refuses to be apart from dimitri.) And he's slow to wake for once, too, warm and comfortable in this bed barely big enough for two. ]
Mm... [ He shifts, face pressing briefly into his pillow as his senses come to him. That's right - he's not in his room. Ashe isn't nearby with breakfast waiting for him, in his fussy yet caring way. He's with... ] Dimitri? [ His eyes blink open, meeting his bright blue with his warm amber. ] What time is it?
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You look well-rested.
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Not that Dimitri has more than two seconds to appreciate that, when he's getting a pillow shoved in his face. ] Shut up. You know what I mean. [ h u m p h ]
... Also, I don't sound like that. [ H U M P H ]
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Felix eventually lets the pillow drop, and he has to resist the urge to kiss him mid-giggle. ] We should get going, before the lines get too long.
[ As reluctant as he is to return to the outside world, time continues to move on without them. So Felix gets dressed in yesterday's jeans and makes the short walk back to campus with Dimitri by his side.
(another day, he'll tell dimitri the truth. about how he wasn't there when he needed him most, and that his grief and regret haunted him for the rest of his (short) life.
and, perhaps, he can also say he loved him - from the day they met until his last breath, he loved, and loved, and loved. even when he hated him (or, rather, the beast he'd become), he loved him. the past tense on that doesn't feel quite right, though. all his feelings carried over from before, his love included.
but all of that is for another day.) ]