[ Felix takes one of the mugs from Dimitri, but doesn't drink yet. He lets the warmth of the tea seep into his palms and stares at the dark liquid as though a better topic will emerge from beneath the surface.
But nothing comes after a few seconds of silence, so Felix is left with only one thing to latch onto. ] ... You mentioned your father. [ He has only a handful of memories of Lambert, himself - namely, the way he treated him as though he were his own son at times, and the lighthearted smile his father had only for him. ] He's still around?
Yes, he's alive. [His confirmation comes out as a relieved sigh.] He and my uncle are both doing well. [He's not sure if he should go on but...] I never knew my mother - her nor Patricia. But that's okay - I'm okay with that. If anything, I hope Patricia is with Edelgard.
[Despite his lingering depression and anxiety, Dimitri is happy in this life (and only going to become happier he expects). He hopes Edelgard is too.
With Felix bringing up his father, it now feels more appropriate to ask about Rodrigue.] Is Rodrigue well? Is - Glenn? [He stumbles over Glenn's name, still. It's difficult. He remembers the tension the topic of him used to bring - all because no one cared to remember Glenn for who he actually was. Only Felix did.]
[ He's about to express his relief - because he really is glad Dimitri still has his family in this life - but then Dimitri mentions (stumbles over) Glenn.
Funny. It's been years, but this still isn't easy to talk about. ]
... Glenn's dead. [ He does his best to keep the emotion out of his voice but Dimitri, keen as he is, might be able to pick up the traces of sorrow beneath his even tone. ] He was in a car accident around five years ago.
But my old man's fine. [ His fingers tighten slightly around the mug. ] Well, as fine as he can be, anyway. He's not glorifying Glenn's death this time around, but he's just as insufferable. [ And, from the sound of things, their relationship is only a little less strained. Not that Felix didn't try to make things better - just... there's only so much either of them could do. Especially when no one in their family's particularly great at expressing love.
(there's also the circumstances from their previous life to consider. he never explained to his father why he no longer wanted to be a member of house fraldarius. he just... left. no parting words, no dramatic or tearful goodbyes - just a short letter left on his childhood bed for rodrigue to find after he was miles and miles away from home. he doesn't remember anything special about the last time they saw each other, either... though, knowing them, they probably argued about whether or not dimitri was still alive, and he probably left his father to stare at his retreating back in a fit of anger of frustration.)
Maybe they're not meant to get along. Just like how he's apparently not allowed to have his older brother past the age of thirteen. ]
That doesn’t seem fair. [Dimitri blurts and then immediately sucks in a breath. He draws his shoulders in tight.] I’m sorry that was incredibly insensitive of me. But if – Glenn should be alive. If father is, Glenn should be too.
[He realizes how childish he sounds but it’s how he feels. Isn’t that how this works? Aren’t they all getting second chances?]
[ That pure, reflexive reaction almost makes Felix laugh. Talking about what's just and fair in a situation that's far out of either of their control... it's familiar, and almost comforting.
But he shakes his head, and finally looks Dimitri in the eyes. ] I'm not wallowing in my grief, if that's what you're thinking. Just like before, I refuse to let his death hold me back.
[ (but when it happened, oh was he upset. he screamed and sobbed alone into his pillow, cursing sothis and every god of this new world he could think of that they took glenn from him again.)
He takes a slow sip of his tea. Takes a moment to gather his next words, spoken soft but sincere. ] ... but I appreciate the sentiment.
You’re so strong. It’s reassuring to know you’re still so strong. [Dimitri sets his mug down and offers his hand to Felix: palm up, between them on the couch.] I don’t remember everything. I don’t want to remember more. And for a long time I was terrified of meeting anyone – any of our friends – in case they stirred up any memories. I’ve avoided it.
[He and Felix are eye to eye still but he’s almost afraid of what Felix will have to say about this confession. He’s not a boar anymore, but he might be worse. A fearful rabbit running from its problems.] But I’m glad you found me. Thank you for looking for me. Thank you for finding me.
[ Felix understands where Dimitri's coming from. He's never claimed to know or truly understand all that goes through his head - but the trauma he experienced, the pain and anger he felt, the lives he trampled over or cut short by his own hand... he can't blame him for not wanting to know how deep the darkness goes.
He glances down at the hand between them before moving his own on top. Their fingers intertwine with ease, and it's a familiar feeling - but he wills himself to stay here, in the present, with this Dimitri. ]
I already told you, I'd been looking for quite some time. [ okay, he didn't say it in those exact words, but it was heavily implied. ] You don't remember it, and I'm not going to remind you, but I... owed it to you. [ A small squeeze. ] I'm not planning on leaving you alone this time.
[One day Dimitri will ask what happened to Felix, but today is not that day. Not when this is so fresh and he’s honestly so happy and relieved to see him.
He cracks a smile and it meets his eyes.] Be careful or I’ll hold you to that. You can’t change your mind later if you find me as intolerable as before.
[ Felix feels an emotion strike him square in the chest - an overwhelming urge to kiss that smile of his. He - he didn't think a simple smile could do such a thing to his heart.
He settles for leaning forward and touching his forehead to Dimitri's. ] Just don't lose yourself, and you'll be fine. [ or, don't become someone he doesn't recognize. ]
[Dimitri shakes his head, smile still prominent on his face.] I wont. Not this time. I promise.
[They may be in their own little world, but time still moves forward around them. While they're talking, catching up, Dimitri's hand never leaving Felix in some way, the sun gives way to the moon and darkness settles. It's only when his phone vibrates with an alarm (eat dinner, take your meds) does Dimitri startle out of their world.]
How - Goddess, when did it get so late? [A useless question.] Felix, I am so sorry.
[ Reluctantly, Felix lifts himself from his spot (more or less buried into Dimitri's side) and pulls out his phone. Huh. The day sure did fly by without either of them noticing. But he supposes that makes sense, as the abrupt end to their casual conversation leaves him realizing his throat's actually tired from how much he's talked. Normally he's a man of few words... but he supposes if anyone's going to make him behave differently, it's Dimitri.
He frowns, and is slow to release his hold on Dimitri's hand. ] It's fine. But I should go. [ ... he doesn't sound too convinced. ]
[It's shocking how cold Dimitri's side feels the moment Felix leaves it. Was it always like this? How did he ever live without him.] It's dark, though. [He only takes a moment to recover from blurting that out.] I wouldn't feel comfortable letting you walk alone in the dark. [Even if it is a short way.
He wrings the hem of his shirt in his hands.] You can stay here. My bed is big enough for two.
[He hopes this isn't too forward, too. He remembers their sleepovers when Felix visited. He remembers Felix climbing into his bed almost every night and curling up at his side. He remembers the comfort it brought him, and hopefully brought Felix too.]
[ Felix probably should insist on leaving. It's not like he hasn't walked home in the dark before - he often works out or studies in the library until late in the night to avoid being around people. But Dimitri's emotions - his nerves, his eagerness - are on full display, and he can't bring himself to say no.
(he, again, also really doesn't want to leave quite yet.)
But the offer to share a bed makes him pause. ] Are you sure? [ Yes, they used to sleep next to each other as kids, but they were kids. Not young adults with a lot of pent up emotion and memories. ]
[Isn't this what Felix had wanted during their school days? Hadn't he been tired of Dimitri's forced smiles and princely behavior? He'd been waiting for him to snap.
Dimitri gives a small nod.] It's just, this couch is a little small for either of us. [A pause.] We can put a pillow between us if you want?
[ ... Well. So long as he's thought this through. Or as thoroughly as one can when suddenly thrust into a situation like this.
So Felix shakes his head, pushing back the loose strands of his hair. ] That's not necessary. [ The sudden grumble of Felix's stomach provides an easy end to the conversation. He rises to his feet and makes his way to the kitchen without asking for permission first (and takes a moment to send a quick text to the worried ashe that he's fine, he's staying with a friend tonight, he'll see him sometime tomorrow). ] Come on. We need to eat something.
[It's easy to see why Felix would think that. The contents of Dimitri's fridge are currently: x number of miscellaneous takeout boxes, and cheese. A container of parmesan cheese. String cheese. Those little snack squares of cheddar cheese and small wheels of cheese. But that's exactly it, it's all for snacking -- !
Dimitri sputters.] No! I eat more than cheese. I'm still on the school's meal plan so that's just for when I'm at home. [Which isn't a great excuse because (and Felix can probably guess this) Dimitri spends a lot of time at home.]
[ Felix stares at Dimitri, entirely unconvinced. ]
You're hopeless. [ (says the one who's really no better.) He throws a string cheese to Dimitri and takes one for himself before closing the fridge. ] What do you want to eat? We'll order something.
[ He reaches into his pocket, but comes up empty and he realizes oh, right, his wallet's in his bag, which is in Lysithea's possession because he ran out of class like a lovesick fool, which Dimitri accurately guessed earlier.
Casually as possible, he shoves that hand back in his pocket. ] I'll pay you back later. [ smooth. ]
[They end up ordering from a Chinese place close by that Dimitri is very familiar with. He's almost certain the leftovers currently in the fridge are from the same place. But regardless. Eating together is as easy as talking together is. Dimitri even finds himself trying to sneak some of his pieces of chicken onto Felix's plate as he did in the past (his efforts are thwarted of course)
After eating, Dimitri leads Felix into his bedroom... which is not any better than the rest of his apartment. There's his bed, a dresser, and a desk. His desk is sparse given that he works mostly on the table in his living room, and only Greenie and a couple other trinkets are scattered about his dresser. He has a bedsheet thumbtacked to the wall in front of his window.
[ Given the general emptiness of the rest of his apartment, Felix isn't surprised by the lack of much in his bedroom. The succulent is a bit of a surprise - though he supposes that's why he has that succulent care book at all.
What really draws Felix's attention is the sorry excuse of a curtain tacked over the window. He gestures to the bedsheet with a blank stare. ] You couldn't get a curtain? [ tfw no rod???? ]
[First his fridge and now this?? Dimitri puffs up.] Were you always this judging? [Wait, yes, he was.] I don't know if I can put holes in the wall. The sheet works just fine for me.
[ Yes, he was. And in his defense, some of the judgment is really just curiosity with a really shitty tone.
But he digresses. ] If you say so. [ It does look like it'll get the job done, and it's really none of his business beyond him getting a potential rude awakening next morning.
Felix sits on the edge of his bed, making himself as at home as he did with every other room in his apartment. ] ... Are you tired? [ -- Wait, actually. ] Do you even sleep? [ HE'S ASKING OUT OF CONCERN, HE (very reluctantly, if you drag it out of him) SWEARS ]
[ well excuuuuuuuuse him for trying to express concern but being too emotionally constipated to do it properly!!!
But he looks away from Dimitri. ] Then get into bed. No reason to stay up if you're tired. [ Unceremoniously, he shucks off his jeans and pulls off layers until he's just in his t-shirt and underwear. Should he be more modest? Perhaps. But if Dimitri's not making a big deal out of all of this, then neither will he. ]
[Something about that has Dimitri laughing again. How can Felix go from so tactless and awful to genuinely caring? It's weird! Cute!] You're so strange, Felix.
[Aside from that small laughing fit, Dimitri really doesn't make a big deal of all this. Felix shucks off his jeans and Dimitri changes into his night clothes (a matching button down and sleep shorts. perhaps one of the few things in his apartment that will make sense to felix). He gets into bed, offering the spot next to him to Felix, and they sleep.
Dimitri sleeps much better in this life than he ever did before, but it still shocks him just how well he sleeps with Felix that night. Sleep finds him quickly and when he wakes up, he doesn't feel groggy. His eyes open and they stay open and there's no weight in his arms keeping him in bed. There's only the warmth of another person.
At some point in the middle of the night, they had turned towards each other, and so Dimitri is greeted by Felix's gentle sleeping face illuminated by the sun filtering through the sheet pinned to the wall. In that moment, there is only Dimitri and Felix in the world again. It belongs to them. All else quiets. Dimitri thinks he could watch Felix forever.]
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But nothing comes after a few seconds of silence, so Felix is left with only one thing to latch onto. ] ... You mentioned your father. [ He has only a handful of memories of Lambert, himself - namely, the way he treated him as though he were his own son at times, and the lighthearted smile his father had only for him. ] He's still around?
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[Despite his lingering depression and anxiety, Dimitri is happy in this life (and only going to become happier he expects). He hopes Edelgard is too.
With Felix bringing up his father, it now feels more appropriate to ask about Rodrigue.] Is Rodrigue well? Is - Glenn? [He stumbles over Glenn's name, still. It's difficult. He remembers the tension the topic of him used to bring - all because no one cared to remember Glenn for who he actually was. Only Felix did.]
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Funny. It's been years, but this still isn't easy to talk about. ]
... Glenn's dead. [ He does his best to keep the emotion out of his voice but Dimitri, keen as he is, might be able to pick up the traces of sorrow beneath his even tone. ] He was in a car accident around five years ago.
But my old man's fine. [ His fingers tighten slightly around the mug. ] Well, as fine as he can be, anyway. He's not glorifying Glenn's death this time around, but he's just as insufferable. [ And, from the sound of things, their relationship is only a little less strained. Not that Felix didn't try to make things better - just... there's only so much either of them could do. Especially when no one in their family's particularly great at expressing love.
(there's also the circumstances from their previous life to consider. he never explained to his father why he no longer wanted to be a member of house fraldarius. he just... left. no parting words, no dramatic or tearful goodbyes - just a short letter left on his childhood bed for rodrigue to find after he was miles and miles away from home. he doesn't remember anything special about the last time they saw each other, either... though, knowing them, they probably argued about whether or not dimitri was still alive, and he probably left his father to stare at his retreating back in a fit of anger of frustration.)
Maybe they're not meant to get along. Just like how he's apparently not allowed to have his older brother past the age of thirteen. ]
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[He realizes how childish he sounds but it’s how he feels. Isn’t that how this works? Aren’t they all getting second chances?]
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But he shakes his head, and finally looks Dimitri in the eyes. ] I'm not wallowing in my grief, if that's what you're thinking. Just like before, I refuse to let his death hold me back.
[ (but when it happened, oh was he upset. he screamed and sobbed alone into his pillow, cursing sothis and every god of this new world he could think of that they took glenn from him again.)
He takes a slow sip of his tea. Takes a moment to gather his next words, spoken soft but sincere. ] ... but I appreciate the sentiment.
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[He and Felix are eye to eye still but he’s almost afraid of what Felix will have to say about this confession. He’s not a boar anymore, but he might be worse. A fearful rabbit running from its problems.] But I’m glad you found me. Thank you for looking for me. Thank you for finding me.
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He glances down at the hand between them before moving his own on top. Their fingers intertwine with ease, and it's a familiar feeling - but he wills himself to stay here, in the present, with this Dimitri. ]
I already told you, I'd been looking for quite some time. [ okay, he didn't say it in those exact words, but it was heavily implied. ] You don't remember it, and I'm not going to remind you, but I... owed it to you. [ A small squeeze. ] I'm not planning on leaving you alone this time.
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He cracks a smile and it meets his eyes.] Be careful or I’ll hold you to that. You can’t change your mind later if you find me as intolerable as before.
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He settles for leaning forward and touching his forehead to Dimitri's. ] Just don't lose yourself, and you'll be fine. [ or, don't become someone he doesn't recognize. ]
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[They may be in their own little world, but time still moves forward around them. While they're talking, catching up, Dimitri's hand never leaving Felix in some way, the sun gives way to the moon and darkness settles. It's only when his phone vibrates with an alarm (eat dinner, take your meds) does Dimitri startle out of their world.]
How - Goddess, when did it get so late? [A useless question.] Felix, I am so sorry.
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He frowns, and is slow to release his hold on Dimitri's hand. ] It's fine. But I should go. [ ... he doesn't sound too convinced. ]
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He wrings the hem of his shirt in his hands.] You can stay here. My bed is big enough for two.
[He hopes this isn't too forward, too. He remembers their sleepovers when Felix visited. He remembers Felix climbing into his bed almost every night and curling up at his side. He remembers the comfort it brought him, and hopefully brought Felix too.]
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(he, again, also really doesn't want to leave quite yet.)
But the offer to share a bed makes him pause. ] Are you sure? [ Yes, they used to sleep next to each other as kids, but they were kids. Not young adults with a lot of pent up emotion and memories. ]
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Dimitri gives a small nod.] It's just, this couch is a little small for either of us. [A pause.] We can put a pillow between us if you want?
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So Felix shakes his head, pushing back the loose strands of his hair. ] That's not necessary. [ The sudden grumble of Felix's stomach provides an easy end to the conversation. He rises to his feet and makes his way to the kitchen without asking for permission first (and takes a moment to send a quick text to the worried ashe that he's fine, he's staying with a friend tonight, he'll see him sometime tomorrow). ] Come on. We need to eat something.
[ So he opens up the fridge and-- ]
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... Dimitri. [ He looks over his shoulder in the direction of the other boy. ] Do you only eat cheese?
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Dimitri sputters.] No! I eat more than cheese. I'm still on the school's meal plan so that's just for when I'm at home. [Which isn't a great excuse because (and Felix can probably guess this) Dimitri spends a lot of time at home.]
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You're hopeless. [ (says the one who's really no better.) He throws a string cheese to Dimitri and takes one for himself before closing the fridge. ] What do you want to eat? We'll order something.
[ He reaches into his pocket, but comes up empty and he realizes oh, right, his wallet's in his bag, which is in Lysithea's possession because he ran out of class like a lovesick fool, which Dimitri accurately guessed earlier.
Casually as possible, he shoves that hand back in his pocket. ] I'll pay you back later. [ smooth. ]
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After eating, Dimitri leads Felix into his bedroom... which is not any better than the rest of his apartment. There's his bed, a dresser, and a desk. His desk is sparse given that he works mostly on the table in his living room, and only Greenie and a couple other trinkets are scattered about his dresser. He has a bedsheet thumbtacked to the wall in front of his window.
He is living his basic bitch college boy life.]
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What really draws Felix's attention is the sorry excuse of a curtain tacked over the window. He gestures to the bedsheet with a blank stare. ] You couldn't get a curtain? [ tfw no rod???? ]
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But he digresses. ] If you say so. [ It does look like it'll get the job done, and it's really none of his business beyond him getting a potential rude awakening next morning.
Felix sits on the edge of his bed, making himself as at home as he did with every other room in his apartment. ] ... Are you tired? [ -- Wait, actually. ] Do you even sleep? [ HE'S ASKING OUT OF CONCERN, HE (very reluctantly, if you drag it out of him) SWEARS ]
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I'm getting more tired by the second. [Tired of your bullshit!!!!!!]
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But he looks away from Dimitri. ] Then get into bed. No reason to stay up if you're tired. [ Unceremoniously, he shucks off his jeans and pulls off layers until he's just in his t-shirt and underwear. Should he be more modest? Perhaps. But if Dimitri's not making a big deal out of all of this, then neither will he. ]
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[Aside from that small laughing fit, Dimitri really doesn't make a big deal of all this. Felix shucks off his jeans and Dimitri changes into his night clothes (a matching button down and sleep shorts. perhaps one of the few things in his apartment that will make sense to felix). He gets into bed, offering the spot next to him to Felix, and they sleep.
Dimitri sleeps much better in this life than he ever did before, but it still shocks him just how well he sleeps with Felix that night. Sleep finds him quickly and when he wakes up, he doesn't feel groggy. His eyes open and they stay open and there's no weight in his arms keeping him in bed. There's only the warmth of another person.
At some point in the middle of the night, they had turned towards each other, and so Dimitri is greeted by Felix's gentle sleeping face illuminated by the sun filtering through the sheet pinned to the wall. In that moment, there is only Dimitri and Felix in the world again. It belongs to them. All else quiets. Dimitri thinks he could watch Felix forever.]
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