[Dimitri can't even feel relief when Felix rouses. The only thing he can feel is the panic and anguish swelling in his chest at what he's done. He didn't mean to - he didn't want to hurt Felix. He's a monster. He really is a monster.
Trembling hands rise from their place on the ground but they only end up hovering uselessly by Felix's face. Dimitri wants to make sure he's okay - but he can't touch him again. He shouldn't touch him again. Ever. Glenn warned him about this.]
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. [His voice is weak and watery. Trembling too as he barely manages to speak.] I'm so sorry, Felix. I didn't - I'm sorry.
[Dimitri is there in the moment but not totally hearing Felix.]
[ Were he anyone else, he might be swayed by those tears. He might forget his own pain for the sake of comforting his clearly emotionally distressed prince. But Felix shoves Dimitri away, far enough that he has the room to sit up beneath him. ]
I don't want your apologies, boar. [ The sound of his voice is foreign to his own ears. Dimitri really did a number on him in such a short time.
He scoffs. ] Have you been a blood-thirsty beast for so long that you've forgotten how to act human?
[Unlike before, Dimitri is pushed back with ease. He sits upright in Felix’s lap and, for a moment, all he can do is stare at his once best friend. Has he forgotten how to act human? He thought he’d been putting up a good act but clearly that’s not the case anymore. Everything had happened in a few short seconds but Dimitri is aware he’d had zero control over himself in those seconds. He would have snapped Felix’s neck and drained him dry. He would have killed Felix and that's terrifying.
Dimitri’s face crumples before he hangs his head low, ashamed.] I’m sorry.
[It’s an admission in itself. Felix has no idea how right he is.]
[ There's a part of Felix deep down that wanted Dimitri to fight back. To argue that no, he's no longer the beast, he promises. Or at least that he has it under control and that his father didn't die for nothing.
But that apology - "I'm sorry." - says it all.
(his father truly died for nothing, didn't he? he's already heard people around the monastery glorifying his death, talking about how honorable his sacrifice was, he died like a true knight to protect their king. but he died for nothing.)
Felix grabs him by the neck (with the armor there, he can't strangle him like dimitri tried to) and shakes him. ] Explain yourself. Now. Or have you forgotten how to speak as well?
[Dimitri still does not fight back. He lets Felix shake him but keeps his head stationary staring down at his hands and Felix’s body still trapped beneath him. He can’t look Felix in the eye. That shouldn’t be any surprise.] You always call me a boar – a beast, but I’ve transcended even that. I am a monster – I –
How am I to atone for my sins when I can’t stop hurting people? [He can no longer live without hurting people. He either eats or he dies. Who would want a king like that? Faerghus deserves so much better.] I almost killed you, Felix – I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to, I swear I didn’t want to but I needed to.
It has nothing to do with them! They despise what I’ve become!
[For as much as his father and Glenn (And all of them - all the voices) harp on about wanting retribution – blood in their name, they, too, want nothing to do with the monster Dimitri’s become. Drinking blood isn’t an act done for them; it’s purely for Dimitri’s survival and how dare he – Disgusting, vile. Are you going to drink Edelgard’s blood too? It’s fitting – for one monster to feed on another. Choke.
And Glenn had warned him about this – about Felix (though his warnings long predated this transformation). You’re going to hurt Felix one day and you’re going to like it, you beast.]
The blood I crave is not for them. It’s for me. I’m so hungry.
[He sounds like a madman. But, well. At this point, that's what he is.]
[ A wise person wouldn't punch someone who threatened to snap their neck a few minutes earlier. But Felix never claimed to be smart. He aims right for the mouth because he can't stand to hear another word from him. ]
Are you even listening to yourself? Talking about bloodshed like you need it to survive. How many lives must you take before you're satisfied? How else are you going to justify your actions? [ He doesn't know if Dimitri - this creature is really hearing him. But he continues anyway. ] You say that you didn't want to kill me, but you almost did. And this isn't even a battlefield.
Had it been anyone else [ Dedue. Ashe. Annette. Mercedes. The mere thought makes him want to throw up. ] they might have not been able to stop you. You would have killed them.
[ He rests a hand over one of the swords at his belt. ] You crave blood so badly you would kill one of us for it?
[Dimitri still bleeds like a human. It pools at the new cut on his lip and drips down his chin. He pays it no mind, though, his single eye zeroing in on Felix’s hand at his blade.]
I don’t want to kill them. I don’t want to hurt anyone. That’s what I’ve - Felix. [His name comes out weak, pleading. Please, for the love of the Goddess: end his life.] That’s what I’ve been trying to avoid. But there’s no way – I see now. I’m destined to hurt others. If I eat, I hurt others. If I starve, I lose control and I still hurt others.
There will be no atonement for me; I’ll hurt people until the day I die.
[ Felix takes a slow, deep breath, and watches the blood stain his chin.
He should cut Dimitri down, here and now. Someone as dangerous and unhinged as he is now should not - cannot be left alive. And he can hear that plea in his voice, the weight he places on the two syllables of his name. He's begging him to cut him down like the monster he is.
That realization makes another flare of anger burn through him, and he shoves him a second time. ] Get up on your feet. I'm done listening to your empty words.
[Dimitri doesn’t move. His voice is finally steady again, but despondent.] If you let me go, I will hurt them.
Even now, it’s taking everything in my right mind [ha] to not jump you again. I can hear your pulse like it's my own heartbeat. I can practically smell your blood. And I want so badly to just sink my teeth in and run you dry.
[He grips his fists tight at his side.] Do you understand, Felix?
[ Felix peels off his gloves, then draws his blade carefully. The sword glints between them, catching the sunlight just so as he takes a moment to gather his resolve. Just one well-placed cut is all that he needs. For someone as skilled as him, it'll be simple.
In a single, swift motion, Felix brings the sword down on his own left hand. The cut is shallow, promising a quick healing time and no long-lasting issue, but bleeds enough to fill the air with its metallic scent.
He hisses, gritting his teeth through the pain. ] If you want my blood so badly, then take it.
[Of course Dimitri expects Felix to kill him. He follows the direction of Felix’s blade with his eye up until its striking his own hand.] What are you doing?
[Then, Dimitri clambers. He panics, enclosing Felix’s bleeding hand between his own as if he can press the wound closed again. Blood smears across his own palms and it smells tantalizing.] Are you out of your mind?!
You haven't earned the right to die. [ As he tries to pull his hand free, he looks him dead in the eye. ] You speak of atonement, and yet here you are, running away from what you've done.
If you want forgiveness so badly, then live. You can't make up for a thing if you're dead.
[Dimitri stares right back, mouth useless and agape. Then, somberly:] How do I earn the right to die when I haven't the right to live?
[But Felix's words register somewhere within him. Felix is right. He always is. Dimitri turns Felix's hand over in his own, his grip looser now but still refusing to release him. The wound stares back at him, dripping, taunting.]
I don't know if I'll be able to stop. [Don't let him kill you. That's the only warning he offers before Dimitri draws Felix's hand in to his mouth. He licks first, the flat of his tongue against the wound and tasting. Tasting Felix for all that he is. Then, he secures himself and drinks.]
[ There's little that Felix can do to prepare for the sensation of Dimitri's teeth piercing his skin. The pain is different than that of an arrow - shallower yet sharper, designed to draw blood out of him opposed to embedding in his body. It's strange, but he does his best to remain still as possible for Dimitri. (that grip on his hand helps considerably.) He digs shallow crescent moons into the palm of his other hand as he looks away, focusing only on the sound of his breathing, slow and even. (the slurps are disgusting to his ear.)
He'll let Dimitri drink as much as he needs - or, at least, within reason. When his focus begins to slip and his head spins, he unclenches his fist and unceremoniously slaps him upside the head. ] Stop. That's enough. [ He gives his hair a tug for good measure (and because a part of him is still a bit mad about this whole ordeal). ]
[Maybe it’s because Dimitri hasn’t eaten in several weeks, or because he’s only been feeding off bottom dwellers, but Felix’s blood is the best he’s ever had, he thinks. He still can’t taste much besides the faintest tang of metal on his tongue, but his blood feels different in his mouth. Maybe it’s just because it’s Felix.
The effects are near immediate. His mind no longer feels sluggish and dizzy. His muscles tense underneath his armor, refreshed. He feels alive again, or as alive as he can manage. But, as he suspected, once he starts he can’t stop. He reaches his fill and continues to drink like the actual starving man he was.
Of course it’s the call of his name that jolts Dimitri back into reality. His head snaps up, pupils pinhead small as if he’s looking up at the sun itself when he looks up at Felix.]
[ Felix does not look back at him. (really, him, the sun of all things? there has to be a better analogy than that.) Instead, he slumps forward, forehead resting against Dimitri's shoulder.
But before he can panic about knocking him out a second time, he grumbles ] Be more careful next time, boar. [ As it turns out, the sensation of having teeth yanked out of him is just as weird and foreign.
He stares at the bloody mess that is his left hand. ] Are you satisfied?
[(in most lore, the sun is one of the few things that can kill vampires. felix is the only one who can kill dimitri)
And just like that, it's gone and Dimitri is back to being the boar. He's not terribly surprised and it doesn't change how he reacts. One arm around Felix’s shoulder, holding him to his shoulder, and his other hand still gently holding Felix's bloodied hand.] Yes. Thank you, Felix.
[He sounds so much more in control even to his own ears.] We need to get you to a healer. To Mercedes.
[Dimitri uses his cloak to wipe away the mess of blood smeared across his mouth and down his chin. Its not perfect but... they can make up some excuses.] I'm going to... is it okay to carry you?
[ Felix finds that he doesn't have the energy to protest. (that, and his body feels incredibly heavy now.) He lets Dimitri hold him close, and holds him in turn with his other hand. ] Fine. Just make it quick.
[ He closes his eyes as Dimitri moves off him and scoops him up in his arms like he weighs nothing at all. The reason is twofold: it's an attempt to stave off the dizziness and accompanying nausea, and to ignore any looks they might be getting as Dimitri carries him around the monastery. (he also doesn't have to look up at dimitri like this, which allows the messy tangle of emotions in his heart to start to melt a bit.) ]
[Mercedes doesn’t seem entirely convinced by their flimsy excuse that Felix had hurt himself while training. It didn’t explain the amount of blood he lost or why there were two odd puncture wounds just above the gash in his palm. But she helps Felix get settled in an infirmary bed nonetheless and takes his hand (which Dimitri is reluctant to let go of) in hers. She pours her white healing magic into him and Dimitri watches, mesmerized.
She can’t do anything for the blood loss; that’s all on Felix’s body, but she mixes together a cocktail of different powders into a tea for him to drink to help. And when Mercedes leaves, her hand slides over Dimitri’s shoulder and squeezes in a passing warning. Like a mother lion, she won’t let anyone hurt her cubs – not even the king. They will follow him and they’ve put their trust in him. But he’s on thin fucking ice.
Dimitri considers this. Sits. Puts considerable distance between himself and Felix. And waits.]
[ Around twenty minutes after Mercedes leaves the infirmary, Felix's eyes blink open. A look of confusion momentarily flickers across his face - he's in a bed? but this isn't his room? - before the haze of sleep fades from his mind and he remembers why he's here.
His body still feels sluggish and heavy, but he forces himself up to a seated position - and that's the moment he looks over and sees Dimitri, making his way over to his side to help. (he doesn't protest - the assistance is appreciated.) ] ... I thought you wouldn't have stuck around. [ Truthfully, a part of him expected Dimitri to have left him alone in shame, claiming that he had no right to be around Felix, or some bullshit like that. ]
I couldn't leave you like this. [Dimitri answers easily. Of course he feels ashamed of what he's done, but what Felix said is still fresh on his mind. If he'd have left Felix like nothing had happened at all, it would be the same as running away. And besides, he cares about Felix.] I have to take responsibility.
[Once Felix is upright and comfortable in bed, Dimitri offers Mercedes concoction to him.] Drink this. Mercedes said this would help with the blood loss.
[ Felix accepts the mug with a small nod. ] Thanks. [ It's both to Dimitri (for staying) and Mercedes (for everything else), even though only one of them is in the room.
He takes a slow sip of the concoction, and immediately wrinkles his nose. ] Ugh. [ He doesn't normally mind bitter tastes, but even this is a bit much for him. The fact that it's lukewarm now doesn't help matters, either.
But he still takes another drink (he trusts mercedes with his life and, more importantly, doesn't want to get on her bad side by ignoring her instructions) before bluntly addressing the elephant in the room. ]
Is this going to happen again? [ "This" meaning a lot of things: Dimitri's complete and total loss of control, drinking his blood... and him speaking through his actions, like he'd asked him to do to atone for his father's death. ]
[That is a question Dimitri can’t answer as easily. It’s a loaded question that can’t be solved with a yes or no. Because, no, doesn’t want to lose control again but that means that ,yes, he will have to drink blood again. No, he doesn’t want to drink Felix’s – or anyone’s - blood again, but if he doesn’t, he will lose control again.
Dimitri squirms and backs himself up against the wall, away from Felix.] I can’t – I don’t know how to answer that.
I need to drink blood. [And what more can he say than that.]
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Trembling hands rise from their place on the ground but they only end up hovering uselessly by Felix's face. Dimitri wants to make sure he's okay - but he can't touch him again. He shouldn't touch him again. Ever. Glenn warned him about this.]
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. [His voice is weak and watery. Trembling too as he barely manages to speak.] I'm so sorry, Felix. I didn't - I'm sorry.
[Dimitri is there in the moment but not totally hearing Felix.]
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I don't want your apologies, boar. [ The sound of his voice is foreign to his own ears. Dimitri really did a number on him in such a short time.
He scoffs. ] Have you been a blood-thirsty beast for so long that you've forgotten how to act human?
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Dimitri’s face crumples before he hangs his head low, ashamed.] I’m sorry.
[It’s an admission in itself. Felix has no idea how right he is.]
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But that apology - "I'm sorry." - says it all.
(his father truly died for nothing, didn't he? he's already heard people around the monastery glorifying his death, talking about how honorable his sacrifice was, he died like a true knight to protect their king. but he died for nothing.)
Felix grabs him by the neck (with the armor there, he can't strangle him like dimitri tried to) and shakes him. ] Explain yourself. Now. Or have you forgotten how to speak as well?
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How am I to atone for my sins when I can’t stop hurting people? [He can no longer live without hurting people. He either eats or he dies. Who would want a king like that? Faerghus deserves so much better.] I almost killed you, Felix – I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to, I swear I didn’t want to but I needed to.
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[ Felix shakes him again, more aggressively this time, as his voice begins to crack from the intensity of his emotions. ]
Who told you to kill me? Was it your father? Glenn? My father?
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[For as much as his father and Glenn (And all of them - all the voices) harp on about wanting retribution – blood in their name, they, too, want nothing to do with the monster Dimitri’s become. Drinking blood isn’t an act done for them; it’s purely for Dimitri’s survival and how dare he – Disgusting, vile. Are you going to drink Edelgard’s blood too? It’s fitting – for one monster to feed on another. Choke.
And Glenn had warned him about this – about Felix (though his warnings long predated this transformation). You’re going to hurt Felix one day and you’re going to like it, you beast.]
The blood I crave is not for them. It’s for me. I’m so hungry.
[He sounds like a madman. But, well. At this point, that's what he is.]
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Are you even listening to yourself? Talking about bloodshed like you need it to survive. How many lives must you take before you're satisfied? How else are you going to justify your actions? [ He doesn't know if Dimitri - this creature is really hearing him. But he continues anyway. ] You say that you didn't want to kill me, but you almost did. And this isn't even a battlefield.
Had it been anyone else [ Dedue. Ashe. Annette. Mercedes. The mere thought makes him want to throw up. ] they might have not been able to stop you. You would have killed them.
[ He rests a hand over one of the swords at his belt. ] You crave blood so badly you would kill one of us for it?
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I don’t want to kill them. I don’t want to hurt anyone. That’s what I’ve - Felix. [His name comes out weak, pleading. Please, for the love of the Goddess: end his life.] That’s what I’ve been trying to avoid. But there’s no way – I see now. I’m destined to hurt others. If I eat, I hurt others. If I starve, I lose control and I still hurt others.
There will be no atonement for me; I’ll hurt people until the day I die.
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He should cut Dimitri down, here and now. Someone as dangerous and unhinged as he is now should not - cannot be left alive. And he can hear that plea in his voice, the weight he places on the two syllables of his name. He's begging him to cut him down like the monster he is.
That realization makes another flare of anger burn through him, and he shoves him a second time. ] Get up on your feet. I'm done listening to your empty words.
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Even now, it’s taking everything in my right mind [ha] to not jump you again. I can hear your pulse like it's my own heartbeat. I can practically smell your blood. And I want so badly to just sink my teeth in and run you dry.
[He grips his fists tight at his side.] Do you understand, Felix?
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[ Felix peels off his gloves, then draws his blade carefully. The sword glints between them, catching the sunlight just so as he takes a moment to gather his resolve. Just one well-placed cut is all that he needs. For someone as skilled as him, it'll be simple.
In a single, swift motion, Felix brings the sword down on his own left hand. The cut is shallow, promising a quick healing time and no long-lasting issue, but bleeds enough to fill the air with its metallic scent.
He hisses, gritting his teeth through the pain. ] If you want my blood so badly, then take it.
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[Then, Dimitri clambers. He panics, enclosing Felix’s bleeding hand between his own as if he can press the wound closed again. Blood smears across his own palms and it smells tantalizing.] Are you out of your mind?!
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You haven't earned the right to die. [ As he tries to pull his hand free, he looks him dead in the eye. ] You speak of atonement, and yet here you are, running away from what you've done.
If you want forgiveness so badly, then live. You can't make up for a thing if you're dead.
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[But Felix's words register somewhere within him. Felix is right. He always is. Dimitri turns Felix's hand over in his own, his grip looser now but still refusing to release him. The wound stares back at him, dripping, taunting.]
I don't know if I'll be able to stop. [Don't let him kill you. That's the only warning he offers before Dimitri draws Felix's hand in to his mouth. He licks first, the flat of his tongue against the wound and tasting. Tasting Felix for all that he is. Then, he secures himself and drinks.]
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He'll let Dimitri drink as much as he needs - or, at least, within reason. When his focus begins to slip and his head spins, he unclenches his fist and unceremoniously slaps him upside the head. ] Stop. That's enough. [ He gives his hair a tug for good measure (and because a part of him is still a bit mad about this whole ordeal). ]
Dimitri.
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The effects are near immediate. His mind no longer feels sluggish and dizzy. His muscles tense underneath his armor, refreshed. He feels alive again, or as alive as he can manage. But, as he suspected, once he starts he can’t stop. He reaches his fill and continues to drink like the actual starving man he was.
Of course it’s the call of his name that jolts Dimitri back into reality. His head snaps up, pupils pinhead small as if he’s looking up at the sun itself when he looks up at Felix.]
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But before he can panic about knocking him out a second time, he grumbles ] Be more careful next time, boar. [ As it turns out, the sensation of having teeth yanked out of him is just as weird and foreign.
He stares at the bloody mess that is his left hand. ] Are you satisfied?
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And just like that, it's gone and Dimitri is back to being the boar. He's not terribly surprised and it doesn't change how he reacts. One arm around Felix’s shoulder, holding him to his shoulder, and his other hand still gently holding Felix's bloodied hand.] Yes. Thank you, Felix.
[He sounds so much more in control even to his own ears.] We need to get you to a healer. To Mercedes.
[Dimitri uses his cloak to wipe away the mess of blood smeared across his mouth and down his chin. Its not perfect but... they can make up some excuses.] I'm going to... is it okay to carry you?
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[ He closes his eyes as Dimitri moves off him and scoops him up in his arms like he weighs nothing at all. The reason is twofold: it's an attempt to stave off the dizziness and accompanying nausea, and to ignore any looks they might be getting as Dimitri carries him around the monastery. (he also doesn't have to look up at dimitri like this, which allows the messy tangle of emotions in his heart to start to melt a bit.) ]
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She can’t do anything for the blood loss; that’s all on Felix’s body, but she mixes together a cocktail of different powders into a tea for him to drink to help. And when Mercedes leaves, her hand slides over Dimitri’s shoulder and squeezes in a passing warning. Like a mother lion, she won’t let anyone hurt her cubs – not even the king. They will follow him and they’ve put their trust in him. But he’s on thin fucking ice.
Dimitri considers this. Sits. Puts considerable distance between himself and Felix. And waits.]
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His body still feels sluggish and heavy, but he forces himself up to a seated position - and that's the moment he looks over and sees Dimitri, making his way over to his side to help. (he doesn't protest - the assistance is appreciated.) ] ... I thought you wouldn't have stuck around. [ Truthfully, a part of him expected Dimitri to have left him alone in shame, claiming that he had no right to be around Felix, or some bullshit like that. ]
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[Once Felix is upright and comfortable in bed, Dimitri offers Mercedes concoction to him.] Drink this. Mercedes said this would help with the blood loss.
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He takes a slow sip of the concoction, and immediately wrinkles his nose. ] Ugh. [ He doesn't normally mind bitter tastes, but even this is a bit much for him. The fact that it's lukewarm now doesn't help matters, either.
But he still takes another drink (he trusts mercedes with his life and, more importantly, doesn't want to get on her bad side by ignoring her instructions) before bluntly addressing the elephant in the room. ]
Is this going to happen again? [ "This" meaning a lot of things: Dimitri's complete and total loss of control, drinking his blood... and him speaking through his actions, like he'd asked him to do to atone for his father's death. ]
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Dimitri squirms and backs himself up against the wall, away from Felix.] I can’t – I don’t know how to answer that.
I need to drink blood. [And what more can he say than that.]
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