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I love you. [Dimitri's voice shakes. He feels young. He feels very much in love.] I love you, Fee. I love you so much.
[He repeats it again and again for Felix, like a manta, and wholly a promise. Dimitri will never leave him again. He won't go where Felix can't follow. Never again.]
[He repeats it again and again for Felix, like a manta, and wholly a promise. Dimitri will never leave him again. He won't go where Felix can't follow. Never again.]
[The lion confirms the horrible realization that's settling in Felix's chest. Just as the swords are the same on Dedue's, the lion is the same on Dedue's and his own. The only imagery Ashe is missing is the violets that is present in all three of their marks.
Ashe is the violets. Their violets. He's their last fucking soulmate.]
Fuck. [Fuck!] Goddammit. [Goddammit! Anger rises in his throat, as it always does when he's emotionally compromised and doesn't know how to process it.
Why does he have to be the one to fine their last soulmate? He's terrible at this sort of thing. And actually, Ashe being one of his soulmates actually isn't a problem. He likes him. A lot. But, goddammit, he was his friend first. He's finally made a friend of his own, who has no connection to the other two, but now this? Was he not allowed to have anything for himself?] Are you fucking kidding me?
[Felix screws his eyes shut tight, hiding his face behind a fist. He's going to kill Dimitri when he gets home. This is clearly all his fault.]
Ashe is the violets. Their violets. He's their last fucking soulmate.]
Fuck. [Fuck!] Goddammit. [Goddammit! Anger rises in his throat, as it always does when he's emotionally compromised and doesn't know how to process it.
Why does he have to be the one to fine their last soulmate? He's terrible at this sort of thing. And actually, Ashe being one of his soulmates actually isn't a problem. He likes him. A lot. But, goddammit, he was his friend first. He's finally made a friend of his own, who has no connection to the other two, but now this? Was he not allowed to have anything for himself?] Are you fucking kidding me?
[Felix screws his eyes shut tight, hiding his face behind a fist. He's going to kill Dimitri when he gets home. This is clearly all his fault.]
[ Well. It's not laughing. But this reaction - the anger and frustration in his voice, the way he withdraws after his outburst - feels worse. Ashe is sure having a giant weight dropped on his chest would hurt less.
He rises to his knees before Felix, hesitant. Should he reach through this wall he's formed around himself, or keep his distance? ]
Felix...
[ He goes for the former, resting his hand gently against his arm. His thumb brushes against him in a motion Ashe hopes is soothing. ] Felix, what's wrong?
He rises to his knees before Felix, hesitant. Should he reach through this wall he's formed around himself, or keep his distance? ]
Felix...
[ He goes for the former, resting his hand gently against his arm. His thumb brushes against him in a motion Ashe hopes is soothing. ] Felix, what's wrong?
[Felix wrenches his arm away from Ashes touch. It’s unnecessary. They’re in public. He’s being cruel. But he’s so fucking mad. Was he only drawn to Ashe in the first place because they’re soulmates? Had he made his own decision there or had it been influenced by stupid fucking fate.
He tugs his sleeve up, not even bothering to be kind to himself, and reveals his own soulmate mark. A shield emblazoned with a lion, the same as Ashe’s, is permanent on his bicep. The only difference, is, again, the violets decoratively scattered about.] This is what’s wrong.
He tugs his sleeve up, not even bothering to be kind to himself, and reveals his own soulmate mark. A shield emblazoned with a lion, the same as Ashe’s, is permanent on his bicep. The only difference, is, again, the violets decoratively scattered about.] This is what’s wrong.
I grew up with those tales, so I'm fond of them.
And I - [Dimitri pauses, thinking of the right words. He can't look at Ashe's face because he knows his expression wont match his feelings.] - more than anything, I like hearing you speak. Not just about knights' tales. I like listening to your voice.
And I - [Dimitri pauses, thinking of the right words. He can't look at Ashe's face because he knows his expression wont match his feelings.] - more than anything, I like hearing you speak. Not just about knights' tales. I like listening to your voice.
I see. [Dimitri's voice is small. It's a lot to take in. Of course it is. It hurts knowing now that Felix's absence was due to him leaving. At the same time, though, Dimitri prefers the truth as it is. Felix leaving his side was for the better; Dimitri would have only led him to his death if he'd stayed. He would have died just like Dimitri had assumed all this time.
After all, Dimitri remembers bits and pieces of Grondor Field and Felix is not one of those pieces. He must have really looked right through him. At least he hadn't killed him himself. At least. His hand trembles in Felix's.]
But Felix, I - I want you to want to be here with me. [He blinks quickly, blinking back the wetness that seems to have come from no where.] If you're here with me, I want it to be because you want to not because you owe me.
We are not the same as we were.
After all, Dimitri remembers bits and pieces of Grondor Field and Felix is not one of those pieces. He must have really looked right through him. At least he hadn't killed him himself. At least. His hand trembles in Felix's.]
But Felix, I - I want you to want to be here with me. [He blinks quickly, blinking back the wetness that seems to have come from no where.] If you're here with me, I want it to be because you want to not because you owe me.
We are not the same as we were.
[ Felix's hand tightens around Dimitri's, to try and quell the tremors. ]
I know we aren't. And I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be. [ But for all he talked about not letting the dead dictate the lives of the living, he's been following Dimitri's ghost for a long time. ]
But I've seen you at your worst. I wasn't there for you when you needed me. [ Dedue, Ingrid, even Sylvain stayed. But not him. He- he-- ] I'm not going to repeat that mistake.
I know we aren't. And I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be. [ But for all he talked about not letting the dead dictate the lives of the living, he's been following Dimitri's ghost for a long time. ]
But I've seen you at your worst. I wasn't there for you when you needed me. [ Dedue, Ingrid, even Sylvain stayed. But not him. He- he-- ] I'm not going to repeat that mistake.
[ Ashe can't hold back a gasp of shock. ]
You... you're my soulmate?
[ It makes sense. Given the swords and shield, he always thought his soulmate would be strong. And he'd just said moments before that Felix was exactly that.
But why that reaction? Did he... not want to find his soulmate? Is there something wrong with him specifically?
His frown deepens, and he folds his hands in his lap. ] But I don't understand... why are you upset?
You... you're my soulmate?
[ It makes sense. Given the swords and shield, he always thought his soulmate would be strong. And he'd just said moments before that Felix was exactly that.
But why that reaction? Did he... not want to find his soulmate? Is there something wrong with him specifically?
His frown deepens, and he folds his hands in his lap. ] But I don't understand... why are you upset?
[How does Felix articulate that he's tired of being jerked around by fate? That he's beginning to feel helpless and like his decisions and own wants mean nothing anymore.
He doesn't.] Because I don't want three fucking soulmates.
[You heard him right, Ashe. Three.]
He doesn't.] Because I don't want three fucking soulmates.
[You heard him right, Ashe. Three.]
Three?
[ That's not something he can mishear. He has three soulmates, and Felix is only one of them. ]
This is a lot to take in... [ And he should be focusing on calming Felix down, not his own feelings. But he has to know - ] You... know our other soulmates, then. [ It's not a question. Ashe doesn't think he'd phrase it like that if he didn't know for certain he's the third. ] Who are they?
[ That's not something he can mishear. He has three soulmates, and Felix is only one of them. ]
This is a lot to take in... [ And he should be focusing on calming Felix down, not his own feelings. But he has to know - ] You... know our other soulmates, then. [ It's not a question. Ashe doesn't think he'd phrase it like that if he didn't know for certain he's the third. ] Who are they?
[Felix laughs, dry and without any humor to it.] The boar and Dedue.
[Those two life ruiners.] The boar has been so eager to meet you. It’s been bugging him for ages, not knowing who our last soulmate was. [Why couldn’t it be him in this position? At least Felix is starting to calm down now that he’s had his outburst. He’s still angry, but it’s calming down to a simmer just below his skin.]
[Those two life ruiners.] The boar has been so eager to meet you. It’s been bugging him for ages, not knowing who our last soulmate was. [Why couldn’t it be him in this position? At least Felix is starting to calm down now that he’s had his outburst. He’s still angry, but it’s calming down to a simmer just below his skin.]
[ The skepticism is understood - how many times has he tried to make Dimitri or another unfortunate male friend of theirs his wingman? But he honestly has no plans to flirt with any women on their outing. ] Just you and me this time, I promise. I'm here to spend some time with you, not some girl.
[ If Dimitri thinks he still has some ulterior motive, though, he wouldn't be wrong. What he told Felix earlier is this: he can't keep denying his feelings. Dimitri, king of all Fodlan, would be quite a catch for any woman or man. And as king of a still fracture nation, he'll need to find a partner - and fast. If he doesn't act soon, well... someone will snatch Dimitri up.
Maybe even Sylvain himself.
(truthfully, he has no romantic interest in dimitri. the guy's incredibly handsome, sure, but he prefers them softer. but felix doesn't need to know that.)
He flashes his childhood friend a charming smile. ] So, what do you say? Will you let me steal you away?
[ If Dimitri thinks he still has some ulterior motive, though, he wouldn't be wrong. What he told Felix earlier is this: he can't keep denying his feelings. Dimitri, king of all Fodlan, would be quite a catch for any woman or man. And as king of a still fracture nation, he'll need to find a partner - and fast. If he doesn't act soon, well... someone will snatch Dimitri up.
Maybe even Sylvain himself.
(truthfully, he has no romantic interest in dimitri. the guy's incredibly handsome, sure, but he prefers them softer. but felix doesn't need to know that.)
He flashes his childhood friend a charming smile. ] So, what do you say? Will you let me steal you away?
[ It's probably for the best that Dimitri doesn't look at him, because Ashe is positively beaming over that simple compliment. He tucks his face against Dimitri's arm and waits for the sudden swell of chuckles to subside before trying to speak with that voice he likes so much. ]
Well, when you put it like that, how can I say no? I'd be happy to. [ Still keeping his cheek pressed against his bicep, he positions himself to spread the book open over both their laps. ] But please, tell me if you'd like me to stop.
[ He clears his throat, then begins to read. Though it's been quite a long time since he's told a story like this - not since he and his siblings were younger, and still living under Lonato's roof - he falls back into his old habits easily. He narrates with as much passion as he talks about knights, and each character gets their own (slightly) distinct voice. He's clearly having fun with this, and he hopes Dimitri is, too. ]
Well, when you put it like that, how can I say no? I'd be happy to. [ Still keeping his cheek pressed against his bicep, he positions himself to spread the book open over both their laps. ] But please, tell me if you'd like me to stop.
[ He clears his throat, then begins to read. Though it's been quite a long time since he's told a story like this - not since he and his siblings were younger, and still living under Lonato's roof - he falls back into his old habits easily. He narrates with as much passion as he talks about knights, and each character gets their own (slightly) distinct voice. He's clearly having fun with this, and he hopes Dimitri is, too. ]
[ Ashe has heard plenty about the two of them - but to think they were more than just Felix's roommates...
He tries reaching for Felix again, but slower this time. If his touch is still unwelcome, then Felix can avoid him without issue. ] I suppose that makes sense. I've been curious, too, for as long as I can remember.
But, Felix... [ His words are still rattling around in his head. "I don't want three fucking soulmates." ] Are you okay? With me, I mean.
[ He looks down at the floor. ] I- if you rather pretend we're not soulmates, that's... [ well. it doesn't feel okay. but. ] I don't want to lose our friendship because of this.
He tries reaching for Felix again, but slower this time. If his touch is still unwelcome, then Felix can avoid him without issue. ] I suppose that makes sense. I've been curious, too, for as long as I can remember.
But, Felix... [ His words are still rattling around in his head. "I don't want three fucking soulmates." ] Are you okay? With me, I mean.
[ He looks down at the floor. ] I- if you rather pretend we're not soulmates, that's... [ well. it doesn't feel okay. but. ] I don't want to lose our friendship because of this.
[Felix doesn't move away this time. He lets Ashe touch him and opens his eyes from behind his hand.] This [All of this. All of his anger and frustration.] has nothing to do with it being you.
[Except it does.] It doesn't matter who - I'd be mad regardless.
I don't want to lose our friendship either. I'm - [Felix grits his teeth. Hides behind his fist again. He feels so stupid admitting this but he knows he's hurt Ashe enough. Put him through enough of an emotional rollercoaster already with his hot and cold reactions.] I'm more mad that I have to share you now.
[Except it does.] It doesn't matter who - I'd be mad regardless.
I don't want to lose our friendship either. I'm - [Felix grits his teeth. Hides behind his fist again. He feels so stupid admitting this but he knows he's hurt Ashe enough. Put him through enough of an emotional rollercoaster already with his hot and cold reactions.] I'm more mad that I have to share you now.
[ Ashe's hand tightens around his arm. He... can't say he completely understands. But. ]
I don't know if it helps to hear this, but... you'll always be special to me, Felix. [ He says, soft and earnest, and gives him a small smile. ]
Even after I get to know Dedue and... the boar [ He hesitates at that. It doesn't feel great, calling someone he doesn't know a name like that. ] that won't change.
I don't know if it helps to hear this, but... you'll always be special to me, Felix. [ He says, soft and earnest, and gives him a small smile. ]
Even after I get to know Dedue and... the boar [ He hesitates at that. It doesn't feel great, calling someone he doesn't know a name like that. ] that won't change.
[ The Ethereal Moon is cold, no matter where in Fodlan or Almyra one lives. But the stretch of land formerly known as the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus is notorious for its frigid, snowy winters - particularly in the north, where its capital, Fhirdiad, resides.
Claude's not one for the chilly weather. Even with thick gloves, his fingers become stiff too easily, making normally thoughtless tasks like pulling a bowstring or gripping the reins of a horse difficult. Though winter does have its perks (the serenity of a silent, snow-covered landscape, the way people come together more eagerly for warm, comforting meals together, the warmth and crackle of roaring fireplaces), he'd honestly rather stay inside and wait for winter to melt into spring.
But Claude finds himself flying to Fhirdiad, bundled up in an impossible number of layers and still frozen to the bone, because of a scheme he hatched behind Dimitri's back. Or maybe "scheme" is too strong of a word - it's more like he asked Byleth when Dimitri's birthday was so he could surprise him with a visit. He knows their long-distance relationship is hard on Dimitri (claude would be lying to himself if he claimed it was easy for him), but there's only so much either of them can do with the way the world is. Until they achieve true peace and understanding between their nations, they still have work to do, separately.
(one of the gifts he has, hidden away in one of his pockets, will hopefully close the gap between them significantly.)
Claude's unexpected arrival comes as a shock to the castle's staff and guards, but he's a familiar enough face that he gets his wyvern settled in a warm stable easily enough. With a bit of light conversation - "Sorry to show up unannounced, but I'm not here on any official business. I'm just here to see King Dimitri." - he's allowed into the castle without any additional fuss, and makes his way down familiar halls to Dimitri's chambers.
(though he wanted to be the one to greet dimitri personally, a servant beats him to the punch. dimitri will hear a knock on the door, and then a sheepish voice call out to him "p-pardon the intrusion, your majesty! his majesty, king claude of almyra, has just arrived and is here to see you!") ]
Claude's not one for the chilly weather. Even with thick gloves, his fingers become stiff too easily, making normally thoughtless tasks like pulling a bowstring or gripping the reins of a horse difficult. Though winter does have its perks (the serenity of a silent, snow-covered landscape, the way people come together more eagerly for warm, comforting meals together, the warmth and crackle of roaring fireplaces), he'd honestly rather stay inside and wait for winter to melt into spring.
But Claude finds himself flying to Fhirdiad, bundled up in an impossible number of layers and still frozen to the bone, because of a scheme he hatched behind Dimitri's back. Or maybe "scheme" is too strong of a word - it's more like he asked Byleth when Dimitri's birthday was so he could surprise him with a visit. He knows their long-distance relationship is hard on Dimitri (claude would be lying to himself if he claimed it was easy for him), but there's only so much either of them can do with the way the world is. Until they achieve true peace and understanding between their nations, they still have work to do, separately.
(one of the gifts he has, hidden away in one of his pockets, will hopefully close the gap between them significantly.)
Claude's unexpected arrival comes as a shock to the castle's staff and guards, but he's a familiar enough face that he gets his wyvern settled in a warm stable easily enough. With a bit of light conversation - "Sorry to show up unannounced, but I'm not here on any official business. I'm just here to see King Dimitri." - he's allowed into the castle without any additional fuss, and makes his way down familiar halls to Dimitri's chambers.
(though he wanted to be the one to greet dimitri personally, a servant beats him to the punch. dimitri will hear a knock on the door, and then a sheepish voice call out to him "p-pardon the intrusion, your majesty! his majesty, king claude of almyra, has just arrived and is here to see you!") ]
Edited 2019-10-16 19:27 (UTC)
[ No, that's not all he has to say. "I love you, too." "I've been in love with you for a while now." "Thank you. For loving me." But he opens his mouth to say any of those things and his throat tightens. His mind goes blank and all that echoes in its emptiness is that Leo's making a mistake, confessing to him, wanting to be with him. ]
I... [ His voice cracks pathetically. He feels pathetic. ] But why me? I'm not- [ good enough for you. ] You could do better than me, Leo.
I... [ His voice cracks pathetically. He feels pathetic. ] But why me? I'm not- [ good enough for you. ] You could do better than me, Leo.
[Leo bristles.] I can decide that for myself, thank you. I think you're amazing. I - [He wants to hear it, but at the same time it doesn't feel right trying to coax a confession out of Takumi. Leo knows he has anxiety and incredibly low self-worth; he may have to help him think better of himself before Takumi's ready to jump into anything.]
If that's really all you have to say, though, then I suppose that's it.
If that's really all you have to say, though, then I suppose that's it.
[ Honestly... yeah, his self-esteem leaves much to be desired. But Takumi hears that distance in Leo's voice and his heart tightens in his chest. All this time, Leo's been so patient with him - but surely he has his limits. Surely, him not giving him a confirmation of his feelings is a limit.
Before Leo can draw away, Takumi pulls his hands out from underneath his, and switches their positions. He squeezes his hands a little too tight and chokes out. ] - I love you! I really do!
I just... [ He cuts himself off. Shakes his head. No, no justs. No brushing off his feelings anymore. That isn't fair to Leo. ] It. Still feels like a dream, I guess.
Before Leo can draw away, Takumi pulls his hands out from underneath his, and switches their positions. He squeezes his hands a little too tight and chokes out. ] - I love you! I really do!
I just... [ He cuts himself off. Shakes his head. No, no justs. No brushing off his feelings anymore. That isn't fair to Leo. ] It. Still feels like a dream, I guess.
[Dimitri's long-distance relationship with Claude is definitely not the easiest on him.
He understands that they both have so much work to do before they can consistently be together, but that doesn't stop Dimitri from missing Claude endlessly when they're apart. He never doubts Claude's love - the other man has his schemes but he is always honest about his feelings - but he craves closeness. He wants the warmth of Claude in his arms, stubble tickling his cheeks. He wants the calm melody of Claude's voice to lull him into contentment or, on worse days, chase away the voices that still linger. He just - wants him. All the time. He's selfish.
The clamor about the castle pulls Dimitri from his thoughts. Someone has arrived unannounced whilst Dimitri is reading letters at his leisure: dressed down, inelegantly slouched at his desk, hair in disarray. He can only assume his unannounced guest is an over eager noble, having arrived far too early for a later meeting, so his servant - and Claude - catch him in the middle of pulling himself together so he can be presentable though still mildly irritated.
But, then it's Claude.
He rushes to the door, swinging it wide open.] Claude?
He understands that they both have so much work to do before they can consistently be together, but that doesn't stop Dimitri from missing Claude endlessly when they're apart. He never doubts Claude's love - the other man has his schemes but he is always honest about his feelings - but he craves closeness. He wants the warmth of Claude in his arms, stubble tickling his cheeks. He wants the calm melody of Claude's voice to lull him into contentment or, on worse days, chase away the voices that still linger. He just - wants him. All the time. He's selfish.
The clamor about the castle pulls Dimitri from his thoughts. Someone has arrived unannounced whilst Dimitri is reading letters at his leisure: dressed down, inelegantly slouched at his desk, hair in disarray. He can only assume his unannounced guest is an over eager noble, having arrived far too early for a later meeting, so his servant - and Claude - catch him in the middle of pulling himself together so he can be presentable though still mildly irritated.
But, then it's Claude.
He rushes to the door, swinging it wide open.] Claude?
[ Claude's hands twitch ever-so-slightly by his sides as Dimitri appears before him, dressed down yet still so handsome. Oh, how he wants to just run his fingers through that messy hair, ruining it further, and kiss him with zero regard for the anxious servant standing beside him. Moments like this are a painful reminder that he longs for the same things - his warmth, the sound of his voice soft by his ear, his smile - just as desperately.
But he reminds himself to pull yourself together, Claude and bows his head, a show of proper politeness with company in mind. ] Sorry to stop by unannounced, Your Majesty. [ no, he's not. ] I was hoping I could have a moment of your time. Not for anything formal or official, I assure you - call this a personal visit. [ A wink. ] If you're not busy, of course.
But he reminds himself to pull yourself together, Claude and bows his head, a show of proper politeness with company in mind. ] Sorry to stop by unannounced, Your Majesty. [ no, he's not. ] I was hoping I could have a moment of your time. Not for anything formal or official, I assure you - call this a personal visit. [ A wink. ] If you're not busy, of course.
[Dimitri straightens in the doorway. Their relationship isn’t exactly a secret amongst some of the castle staff, but Claude’s demeanor and words remind him that – he too – needs to be a bit more proper in the audience of others.] N-Not at all, My Lord. It would be a pleasure. Please, come in.
[Moving aside so Claude can enter his chambers, Dimitri also ducks down to the poor servant who had to witness that. He thanks them, really, and asks for a pot of Almyran Pine Needle be sent up to them.
With the doors closed behind him, Dimitri sighs, perhaps a too heavy sigh, and sinks with his back against them. Good eye closed one moment, it snaps open in a second and Dimitri is making his way across the room to wherever Claude has settled. And he scoops the other man into his arms, hugging him tightly.] Claude -! You – you should have told me you were coming -! I would have gone to greet you, I –
[I missed you. Terribly. Deeply. All the way to his bones, his core.]
[Moving aside so Claude can enter his chambers, Dimitri also ducks down to the poor servant who had to witness that. He thanks them, really, and asks for a pot of Almyran Pine Needle be sent up to them.
With the doors closed behind him, Dimitri sighs, perhaps a too heavy sigh, and sinks with his back against them. Good eye closed one moment, it snaps open in a second and Dimitri is making his way across the room to wherever Claude has settled. And he scoops the other man into his arms, hugging him tightly.] Claude -! You – you should have told me you were coming -! I would have gone to greet you, I –
[I missed you. Terribly. Deeply. All the way to his bones, his core.]
[Leo would argue that it’s not fair to Takumi either. For him to deny his own feelings simply because of what he thinks Leo does or does not deserve.]
I can prove to you, very easily, that this is not a dream.
[He leans in, almost nose to nose with Takumi, his intentions very clear.] May I?
I can prove to you, very easily, that this is not a dream.
[He leans in, almost nose to nose with Takumi, his intentions very clear.] May I?
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