[ Quietly, Felix threads a hand through Dimitri's hair. ]
You act like I don't want to be here at all. [ He refuses to coddle him, but... ] You're not selfish for wanting me here. I'm choosing to stay. [ Because Felix is very capable of creating space when he wants it. He spent a good chunk of time doing just that during their academy days. ]
You know, things won't be like this forever. [ Politically, personally... in every sense, really. ] So I'm fine with playing the Shield for now. You've got enough shit to deal with as is. [ Like that ambiguous future he's so worried about. Mending relations between Fodlan and Duscur, ensuring the economy recovers, post-war relief in general... As the son of Lambert, it's always been Dimitri's responsibility, but that doesn't mean Felix is going to let him struggle alone. ]
We can figure out my role later. Right now, you need me. [ And that's that. ]
[Something seizes in Dimitri's heart. It clenches, aches, and spreads fire through his chest. All from Felix's hand in his hair and his admittance: I'm choosing to stay. He cups his hands over his nose and mouth, and nods shakily.] I need you.
[His voice is just as shaky. Weak. There's something in his throat. A sob that threatens to spill out of his mouth, but he swallows it down.] I will always need you, Felix.
[ That hand in his hair turns into an arm draped over his back as he embraces him awkwardly. ] Don't start crying on me. [ But if he needs to, it's fine - Dimitri's seen him cry for a lot less as a child. ]
It's Felix's turn to have his heart seize in his chest. To feel the sting of tears he refuses to shed (he's not a crybaby, fuck you) behind his eyes.
Dimitri says it so simply, like it's the most obvious thing in the world - and, really, it is. Since Dimitri's come to his senses, Felix hasn't had reason to doubt that he cares. That although they're no longer the kids they used to be, they're still meant to be together.
Felix slips his hand off his back to rest over his. With a tight squeeze, he speaks the words he hasn't spoken in years. ] I love you, too.
[It's the most obvious thing in the world. He's loved Felix since they were children. Even in their school days, before the war, he longed to reconcile but knew Felix would never accept him as he was. He'd hurt Felix deeply and he didn't know how to fix it until five years later and after he'd stolen one more person from him.
Dimitri looks up at Felix through his bangs. His eyes are now wet, tears welling.] Have I truly earned your love?
[Has he done enough? He still has so much due penance.]
[ They've both been hurt by each other. Felix more so than Dimitri, sure, but they've both made mistakes. Said or done things wrong. So he brushes Dimitri's bangs aside and says, simple and soft. ]
Yes. You have.
[ Dimitri still has plenty to make up for. Some things, he'll be repenting for for the rest of his life. But he's earned Felix's respect and love, without a doubt. ]
[When he had gone to Felix's room tonight, Dimitri hadn't expected this to happen. He hadn't expected to come out with his feelings or for Felix to return them. But gods, goddess... he's so happy it's come to this.
Dimitri's smile is soft but brilliant as he leans in.] May I kiss you?
[ That smile, simple but beautiful, nearly steals the air from Felix's lungs. He nods at first, because he's not sure if he trusts himself to speak, but then he manages an equally soft ] Don't ask. [ before leaning in the rest of the way so their lips barely touch. ]
[That kiss is not nearly enough. Their lips barely touch and so Dimitri takes hold of Felix's chin to tilt then into a proper kiss. He's inexperiences for sure, but he at least knows how to slot their lips together. How to breathe deep and in love, through his nose. His one good eye flutters closed.]
[ Even though Felix has never kissed someone before (in his own words, he's spent a long time avoiding love and romance), kissing Dimitri feels... natural. Easy. He closes his eyes and melts into him, following his lead as they kiss a second, third, fourth, lot more times.
Eventually, he draws back, with the smallest smile on his face. ] ... Lay down with me. [ It'll be more comfortable that way. ]
[Dimitri complies. He lets Felix settle into his bed and then joins him, laying on his side so he can face the love of his life. He touches Felix's face, gently, entirely too giddy for how late it is. But how can he not be when he gets to do this now.] Felix...
[ Quietly, he hooks a few fingers in the collar of his shirt. Beneath the warmth of his blankets, with Dimitri's hand on his face, Felix feels more comfortable than he has in a long time. ] Hm?
I've always loved you. Ever since we were kids. [ Though it's dark, Dimitri can no doubt see (and feel) how bright he burns just saying that. ] ... Before we were engaged.
[Dimitri feels how warm Felix's skin is: it's pleasant. It reminds Dimitri of when they were children, yes, and Felix would get a full body blush from the slightest teasing before tearing up and lashing out.
To hear those words - that Felix has loved him since they were kids, too, fills him with so much warmth as well and -- wait. What.] I'm sorry, before we were what now?
Felix is aware that Dimitri's memory is spotty. Given his past trauma and years of isolation, it only makes sense. But the thought that he just brought up something so intimate that Dimitri has zero recollection of makes his heart lurch in an uncomfortable way. ]
... You don't remember? [ HEY UHHH BYLETH CAN YOU COME OVER AND DIVINE PULSE, IT'S AN EMERGENCY ]
[ BYLETH PLEASE HE REALLY NEEDS THAT DIVINE PULSE NOW
He takes a deep breath. And then promptly turns his head toward his pillow so he doesn't have to look at Dimitri as he explains this. ] After Glenn got engaged to Ingrid, our fathers wanted us to, too. Probably to keep our families tied together, or something like that.
[ A stupid reason, though, because ] I... wanted to be with you anyway. N- not like that, but- [ ugh. why is he saying this much. ] you know what I mean.
[More panic.] I don't remember that in the slightest. I remember us talking about wanting to get married at that time, but because we wanted to not because of our fathers.
[It doesn't feel right to say it wasn't serious, because clearly it was to Felix and it was to him. He just didn't think it was official. Dimitri puts his hand on Felix's shoulder, and in his panic, blurts:] I still want to marry you!
His blush spreads all the way down his neck and he jolts up suddenly. (narrowly avoiding elbowing him in the face but that's fine) ] Stop! Just. Stop. [ Though his heart screams yes, he wants to marry him too, Felix bites his tongue. ]
Dimitri follows Felix, lifting himself to his level.] Because I mean it, and I've thought it for a long time. [Since he was coherent maybe. Since Byleth recounted how Felix had always watched him from afar in the cathedral. Since always.] When I say I need you, I mean it. [He repeats.] I need you by my side. Preferably for always. [A pause.] I would do anything to keep you here with me now that I have you again.
[He would have strived for that even if they remained strictly platonic.]
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You act like I don't want to be here at all. [ He refuses to coddle him, but... ] You're not selfish for wanting me here. I'm choosing to stay. [ Because Felix is very capable of creating space when he wants it. He spent a good chunk of time doing just that during their academy days. ]
You know, things won't be like this forever. [ Politically, personally... in every sense, really. ] So I'm fine with playing the Shield for now. You've got enough shit to deal with as is. [ Like that ambiguous future he's so worried about. Mending relations between Fodlan and Duscur, ensuring the economy recovers, post-war relief in general... As the son of Lambert, it's always been Dimitri's responsibility, but that doesn't mean Felix is going to let him struggle alone. ]
We can figure out my role later. Right now, you need me. [ And that's that. ]
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[His voice is just as shaky. Weak. There's something in his throat. A sob that threatens to spill out of his mouth, but he swallows it down.] I will always need you, Felix.
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[He takes a deep breath to settle himself, and rises from his hunched over position.] May I confess - May I say one more thing? Felix?
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You don't need to ask.
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When I say that I need you, I don't only mean it as the King of Faerghus. I mean it as myself, purely Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd.
[Another deep breath] I need you because I love you.
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It's Felix's turn to have his heart seize in his chest. To feel the sting of tears he refuses to shed (he's not a crybaby, fuck you) behind his eyes.
Dimitri says it so simply, like it's the most obvious thing in the world - and, really, it is. Since Dimitri's come to his senses, Felix hasn't had reason to doubt that he cares. That although they're no longer the kids they used to be, they're still meant to be together.
Felix slips his hand off his back to rest over his. With a tight squeeze, he speaks the words he hasn't spoken in years. ] I love you, too.
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Dimitri looks up at Felix through his bangs. His eyes are now wet, tears welling.] Have I truly earned your love?
[Has he done enough? He still has so much due penance.]
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Yes. You have.
[ Dimitri still has plenty to make up for. Some things, he'll be repenting for for the rest of his life. But he's earned Felix's respect and love, without a doubt. ]
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Dimitri's smile is soft but brilliant as he leans in.] May I kiss you?
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Eventually, he draws back, with the smallest smile on his face. ] ... Lay down with me. [ It'll be more comfortable that way. ]
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[For hearing him out in the first place. For giving him a chance to redeem himself. For returning his feelings.]
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I've always loved you. Ever since we were kids. [ Though it's dark, Dimitri can no doubt see (and feel) how bright he burns just saying that. ] ... Before we were engaged.
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To hear those words - that Felix has loved him since they were kids, too, fills him with so much warmth as well and -- wait. What.] I'm sorry, before we were what now?
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Felix is aware that Dimitri's memory is spotty. Given his past trauma and years of isolation, it only makes sense. But the thought that he just brought up something so intimate that Dimitri has zero recollection of makes his heart lurch in an uncomfortable way. ]
... You don't remember? [ HEY UHHH BYLETH CAN YOU COME OVER AND DIVINE PULSE, IT'S AN EMERGENCY ]
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He takes a deep breath. And then promptly turns his head toward his pillow so he doesn't have to look at Dimitri as he explains this. ] After Glenn got engaged to Ingrid, our fathers wanted us to, too. Probably to keep our families tied together, or something like that.
[ A stupid reason, though, because ] I... wanted to be with you anyway. N- not like that, but- [ ugh. why is he saying this much. ] you know what I mean.
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[It doesn't feel right to say it wasn't serious, because clearly it was to Felix and it was to him. He just didn't think it was official. Dimitri puts his hand on Felix's shoulder, and in his panic, blurts:] I still want to marry you!
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I-I mean, after we've courted for some time, of course. When you'd feel comfortable - if you'd accept - I.
[Oh Sothis help him]
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His blush spreads all the way down his neck and he jolts up suddenly. (narrowly avoiding elbowing him in the face but that's fine) ] Stop! Just. Stop. [ Though his heart screams yes, he wants to marry him too, Felix bites his tongue. ]
How can you say that with a straight face?
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Dimitri follows Felix, lifting himself to his level.] Because I mean it, and I've thought it for a long time. [Since he was coherent maybe. Since Byleth recounted how Felix had always watched him from afar in the cathedral. Since always.] When I say I need you, I mean it. [He repeats.] I need you by my side. Preferably for always. [A pause.] I would do anything to keep you here with me now that I have you again.
[He would have strived for that even if they remained strictly platonic.]
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