volkamenia | misc thread dump

[ Felix shoots him a glare, but sits back down in defiance. (bold of you to assume he's not furious with you now, dimitri.) ]

... Fine. [ Not that he actually believes he's telling him the whole truth, but vomit's the last thing he wants to deal with. ] Let me finish eating.

[ A part of him would love to take his time to spite Dimitri, but he doesn't want to give him a chance to leave without him. Goodness knows he'd love to get away, now that he knows Felix is onto him.

But he won't get the chance. Felix has every intention of sparring with him, both to get his frustration out and push Dimitri to a point where he can't keep pretending he's okay.

Once they reach the training grounds, Felix takes up a training sword and immediately turns and points it toward Dimitri's throat. ] Now come at me!

[Dimitri would, in fact, love to get away, but sparring is acceptable. Again, because at least it's a distraction.

Except Dimitri's clearly not at the top of his game. He's holding his own against Felix... okay enough. But he's making a lot of clumsy mistakes he normally wouldn't. One wrong step to the right and Felix nearly catches his side with his training sword. A delayed reaction has him skidding to the ground to avoid another hit.

The sparring is also exerting more of his energy than normal and it's obvious. Dimitri's sweating more than normal. His bangs quickly matte to his forehead and sweat almost drips into his eyes. His breathing is quickly becoming labored.

In a last ditch effort, now frustrated and terrified with himself and what Felix may realize next, Dimitri throws aside him training lance and lunges for Felix. He aims for Felix's midsection with a growl so loud it echoes through the training grounds.]

[ Even as a kid, Dimitri was stronger than the rest of them, thanks to his crest. But to say he's strong only because of his crest would be a fallacy. He, like the rest of them, has been training to become a protector of the people ever since he could stand up tall and proud enough to not topple over from the weight of the spear in his hands. He's earned his strength, through hard work and dedication - and even though he lost himself for five years, that raw power never left him.

Were Felix truly his enemy, he might feel more scared. (is he scared now? well, who wouldn't flinch at a growl like that.) But as he's pointed out already, Dimitri's form is off. He's sloppy and clearly pushing himself just to keep at their normal pace.

Felix throws his sword down and braces himself for impact. Even though he sees the lunge coming from a mile away, the sheer impact of their bodies colliding pushes him back a few inches, feet digging into the sand. But he secures his grip on Dimitri's arms and throws him to the ground with a combination of leverage and quick footwork.

He presses a foot down on his armored chest and stares down at him, anger and frustration simmering beneath his skin, before scoffing. ] Pathetic. You're not even a challenge. [ His weight shifts, but he's keeping an eye on him still - he knows better than to turn his back on a beast. ] If that's the best you can do, then we're done here.

[That shift in weight is all Dimitri needs. With one last burst of feral adrenaline, he grabs Felix’s ankle (tight, too tight) and throws him off him. The instant that Felix’s back hits the ground, Dimitri is back on his feet and pouncing. He lands, hunched over Felix’s body, with the lot of his weight pinning Felix down by his waist.

Dimitri’s hand is wrapped around Felix’s neck, and there’s a wild look in his eye – not quite the same as the boar’s.] You were saying?

[He can feel that fine vein of Felix’s neck under his fingers. He can hear it pulsing. His breath stutters.]

[ Felix tries to react - to pull his ankle back, to roll away, something - but he's too slow to get away. His back slams against the ground hard, knocking the air out of him, and he coughs. Stars dance in front of his vision briefly - when they clear, he's greeted by the sight of Dimitri above him, dangerous, feral, and other things he can't quite place.

Lungs burning, heart pounding heavily in his chest, he claws at the hand around his throat, trying to pry it away. When he opens his mouth to speak, his voice comes out shaky and breathless. ] Hah. [ That look in his eye - he doesn't trust it. He's watched him break the necks of soldiers more heavily armored than him. Dimitri would never hurt him, but what about this beast?

He needs an opening, and fast. ] Let go. [ He snaps his hips up, hoping to unsettle him enough to get him off his neck. If that doesn't work, and he still doesn't let go, well... he has a back-up plan. ]

[Dimitri presses his weight down harder on Felix’s waist. He’s weak but still bulky, especially in his armor, and a couple unproductive thrusts aren’t going to throw him off so easily.

Felix shouldn’t struggle. Dimitri can still hear his pulse. He can practically smell the blood thrumming just beneath the surface of Felix’s skin as his heart beat quickens. It’s dangerous – his vision is starting to blur - it’s so close – it’s so close and he’s so hungry. All he can see is red.

He snarls, lips curling and exposing sharpened canines if Felix is conscious enough to notice.] I should snap your neck.

[That’s how he used to do it. Two birds one stone. A fresh corpse doesn’t fight back while being drained of blood. He'd have a feast.]

[ Felix gasps for air, but comes up empty. He feels himself slipping, darkness creeping into his vision - he can barely register his words but the dread and disgust hit him all the same.

How pitiful. His brother and father both died to ensure this thing would live long enough to kill him. He almost wishes their voices would reach Dimitri now, to pull him from this (literally) blood-thirsty trance.

But there's no one here but himself and Dimitri. He can't pretend that anyone - Dedue, the professor, Ingrid or Sylvain - will make him come to his senses before he finishes the job.

(he always imagined he'd die fighting, but not like this. not in a way that adds his name to the list of fraldarius men who died before dimitri's eyes.)

Dammit.

Felix makes one last ditch attempt to pry his hand away from his throat before grabbing his arm as far up as he can reach and sending a Thunder spell through his fingertips. If he still snaps his neck, then, well. Hopefully the shock of that and some electricity will clear his head for good. ]

[Dimitri does not snap his neck. No. The shock of Thunder rolls up his arm, bouncing between bone and muscle and the metal pieces of his armor and Dimitri rears back like the wounded animal he is. He howls, throwing his head back with the pain of it, and clutches his arm to his chest.

With his vision skyward, his mind starts to clear. The pain begins to subside and Dimitri comes back to himself. His body feels sluggish but his mind whirs back into place. He remembers where he is – he and Felix had come to spar after Felix had tried to make him eat, right. Right. But what after – what –

Dimitri’s attention snaps back downward to Felix now passed out, still between his legs.]

Oh no. [He whimpers. What has he done.]

Oh no. Oh Goddess, Felix. Felix -

[Dimitri hunches over himself yet again. This time there’s no aggression in his movements. In fact, his hands tremble as braces himself against the ground so he can get as close as possible to Felix without touching him. His face near inches away – he just needs to feel Felix breathe – What has he done. What has he done? Not Felix -]

[ This time, when Felix breathes in, air actually reaches his burning lungs. He's able to exhale properly and slowly open his eyes.

The first thing he registers is pain. He can already tell he's going to have some dark bruises on his neck in the shape of Dimitri's fingers - and goddess, it's hard to even think through the ache and fogginess of his brain.

But then he notices Dimitri hovering over him once more - the panic and clarity in his blue eye, as his own vision focuses - and he feels something snap deep within his heart. His hands ball into fists with enough intensity, enough anger to make tremors course through his arms.

His voice, though hoarse and weak, drips with a cold fury. ] What the fuck is wrong with you?

[Dimitri can't even feel relief when Felix rouses. The only thing he can feel is the panic and anguish swelling in his chest at what he's done. He didn't mean to - he didn't want to hurt Felix. He's a monster. He really is a monster.

Trembling hands rise from their place on the ground but they only end up hovering uselessly by Felix's face. Dimitri wants to make sure he's okay - but he can't touch him again. He shouldn't touch him again. Ever. Glenn warned him about this.]

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. [His voice is weak and watery. Trembling too as he barely manages to speak.] I'm so sorry, Felix. I didn't - I'm sorry.

[Dimitri is there in the moment but not totally hearing Felix.]

[ Were he anyone else, he might be swayed by those tears. He might forget his own pain for the sake of comforting his clearly emotionally distressed prince. But Felix shoves Dimitri away, far enough that he has the room to sit up beneath him. ]

I don't want your apologies, boar. [ The sound of his voice is foreign to his own ears. Dimitri really did a number on him in such a short time.

He scoffs. ] Have you been a blood-thirsty beast for so long that you've forgotten how to act human?

[Unlike before, Dimitri is pushed back with ease. He sits upright in Felix’s lap and, for a moment, all he can do is stare at his once best friend. Has he forgotten how to act human? He thought he’d been putting up a good act but clearly that’s not the case anymore. Everything had happened in a few short seconds but Dimitri is aware he’d had zero control over himself in those seconds. He would have snapped Felix’s neck and drained him dry. He would have killed Felix and that's terrifying.

Dimitri’s face crumples before he hangs his head low, ashamed.] I’m sorry.

[It’s an admission in itself. Felix has no idea how right he is.]

[ There's a part of Felix deep down that wanted Dimitri to fight back. To argue that no, he's no longer the beast, he promises. Or at least that he has it under control and that his father didn't die for nothing.

But that apology - "I'm sorry." - says it all.

(his father truly died for nothing, didn't he? he's already heard people around the monastery glorifying his death, talking about how honorable his sacrifice was, he died like a true knight to protect their king. but he died for nothing.)

Felix grabs him by the neck (with the armor there, he can't strangle him like dimitri tried to) and shakes him. ] Explain yourself. Now. Or have you forgotten how to speak as well?

[Dimitri still does not fight back. He lets Felix shake him but keeps his head stationary staring down at his hands and Felix’s body still trapped beneath him. He can’t look Felix in the eye. That shouldn’t be any surprise.] You always call me a boar – a beast, but I’ve transcended even that. I am a monster – I –

How am I to atone for my sins when I can’t stop hurting people? [He can no longer live without hurting people. He either eats or he dies. Who would want a king like that? Faerghus deserves so much better.] I almost killed you, Felix – I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to, I swear I didn’t want to but I needed to.

You needed to?

[ Felix shakes him again, more aggressively this time, as his voice begins to crack from the intensity of his emotions. ]

Who told you to kill me? Was it your father? Glenn? My father?

It has nothing to do with them! They despise what I’ve become!

[For as much as his father and Glenn (And all of them - all the voices) harp on about wanting retribution – blood in their name, they, too, want nothing to do with the monster Dimitri’s become. Drinking blood isn’t an act done for them; it’s purely for Dimitri’s survival and how dare he – Disgusting, vile. Are you going to drink Edelgard’s blood too? It’s fitting – for one monster to feed on another. Choke.

And Glenn had warned him about this – about Felix (though his warnings long predated this transformation). You’re going to hurt Felix one day and you’re going to like it, you beast.]

The blood I crave is not for them. It’s for me. I’m so hungry.

[He sounds like a madman. But, well. At this point, that's what he is.]

[ A wise person wouldn't punch someone who threatened to snap their neck a few minutes earlier. But Felix never claimed to be smart. He aims right for the mouth because he can't stand to hear another word from him. ]

Are you even listening to yourself? Talking about bloodshed like you need it to survive. How many lives must you take before you're satisfied? How else are you going to justify your actions? [ He doesn't know if Dimitri - this creature is really hearing him. But he continues anyway. ] You say that you didn't want to kill me, but you almost did. And this isn't even a battlefield.

Had it been anyone else [ Dedue. Ashe. Annette. Mercedes. The mere thought makes him want to throw up. ] they might have not been able to stop you. You would have killed them.

[ He rests a hand over one of the swords at his belt. ] You crave blood so badly you would kill one of us for it?

Edited 2019-10-30 19:47 (UTC)

[Dimitri still bleeds like a human. It pools at the new cut on his lip and drips down his chin. He pays it no mind, though, his single eye zeroing in on Felix’s hand at his blade.]

I don’t want to kill them. I don’t want to hurt anyone. That’s what I’ve - Felix. [His name comes out weak, pleading. Please, for the love of the Goddess: end his life.] That’s what I’ve been trying to avoid. But there’s no way – I see now. I’m destined to hurt others. If I eat, I hurt others. If I starve, I lose control and I still hurt others.

There will be no atonement for me; I’ll hurt people until the day I die.

Edited 2019-10-30 22:01 (UTC)

[ Felix takes a slow, deep breath, and watches the blood stain his chin.

He should cut Dimitri down, here and now. Someone as dangerous and unhinged as he is now should not - cannot be left alive. And he can hear that plea in his voice, the weight he places on the two syllables of his name. He's begging him to cut him down like the monster he is.

That realization makes another flare of anger burn through him, and he shoves him a second time. ] Get up on your feet. I'm done listening to your empty words.

[Dimitri doesn’t move. His voice is finally steady again, but despondent.] If you let me go, I will hurt them.

Even now, it’s taking everything in my right mind [ha] to not jump you again. I can hear your pulse like it's my own heartbeat. I can practically smell your blood. And I want so badly to just sink my teeth in and run you dry.

[He grips his fists tight at his side.] Do you understand, Felix?

I understand.

[ Felix peels off his gloves, then draws his blade carefully. The sword glints between them, catching the sunlight just so as he takes a moment to gather his resolve. Just one well-placed cut is all that he needs. For someone as skilled as him, it'll be simple.

In a single, swift motion, Felix brings the sword down on his own left hand. The cut is shallow, promising a quick healing time and no long-lasting issue, but bleeds enough to fill the air with its metallic scent.

He hisses, gritting his teeth through the pain. ] If you want my blood so badly, then take it.

[Of course Dimitri expects Felix to kill him. He follows the direction of Felix’s blade with his eye up until its striking his own hand.] What are you doing?

[Then, Dimitri clambers. He panics, enclosing Felix’s bleeding hand between his own as if he can press the wound closed again. Blood smears across his own palms and it smells tantalizing.] Are you out of your mind?!

[ Perhaps he is, a little. But. ]

You haven't earned the right to die. [ As he tries to pull his hand free, he looks him dead in the eye. ] You speak of atonement, and yet here you are, running away from what you've done.

If you want forgiveness so badly, then live. You can't make up for a thing if you're dead.

[Dimitri stares right back, mouth useless and agape. Then, somberly:] How do I earn the right to die when I haven't the right to live?

[But Felix's words register somewhere within him. Felix is right. He always is. Dimitri turns Felix's hand over in his own, his grip looser now but still refusing to release him. The wound stares back at him, dripping, taunting.]

I don't know if I'll be able to stop. [Don't let him kill you. That's the only warning he offers before Dimitri draws Felix's hand in to his mouth. He licks first, the flat of his tongue against the wound and tasting. Tasting Felix for all that he is. Then, he secures himself and drinks.]

[ There's little that Felix can do to prepare for the sensation of Dimitri's teeth piercing his skin. The pain is different than that of an arrow - shallower yet sharper, designed to draw blood out of him opposed to embedding in his body. It's strange, but he does his best to remain still as possible for Dimitri. (that grip on his hand helps considerably.) He digs shallow crescent moons into the palm of his other hand as he looks away, focusing only on the sound of his breathing, slow and even. (the slurps are disgusting to his ear.)

He'll let Dimitri drink as much as he needs - or, at least, within reason. When his focus begins to slip and his head spins, he unclenches his fist and unceremoniously slaps him upside the head. ] Stop. That's enough. [ He gives his hair a tug for good measure (and because a part of him is still a bit mad about this whole ordeal). ]

Dimitri.

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