volkamenia | the stars, the moon, they have all been blown out [laslow + leo, post birthright]

the stars, the moon, they have all been blown out [laslow + leo, post birthright]

[ A feeling has settled in the pit of Laslow's stomach - made its residence there, heavy like lead and twisting his insides. It hurts more than the weapons that had pierced his body during his final battle as Lord Xander's retainer, brought him straight to death's door...

but he had been rejected then. He lives, despite nearly bleeding out on the combat room floor. And how cruel fate was, in his eyes, to not take his life instead of theirs, to let a veteran of now three wars continue to draw breath instead of the crown prince of Nohr or a girl whose past had been far too cruel to her.

Xander and Peri are dead, but Laslow is alive. Confined to a hospital bed still after over a week of rest (if he could call it that, when their faces and voices haunt his dreams and he wakes up every time crying), but undoubtedly his heart beats inside his chest. Laslow can't help but despise this fact - while Selena and Odin visit frequently, and clerics he can't bother to learn the names of were always within shouting distance, he's often left in silence, and to his thoughts. In his head he replays that day over and over again, an infinite loop in his mind: what could he have done differently? Should he have listened to Xander and stayed in the room? Should he have acted faster, drawn his blade before anyone else could've?

Why couldn't he have saved the one most near and dear to his heart again?

Realistically speaking, he's not alone: people still roam the halls of Castle Krakenburg, filling the air with as much energy and life as they could after the loss of the war, of the king, a prince, a princess. But the only companionship he feels is that of guilt and mourning, their intensity rivaled only by the grief he felt after the death of his parents.

He keeps his head lowered, knuckles white as he clutches the bedsheets, and feels the all too familiar sting of tears in his eyes. ]

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[ Leo is king now. He is not ready to be king, he thinks. He is not wanted as king, he knows.

His coronation had gone by like a blur (his speech was short and broken despite the time he put into it. it felt like he was trying to assure himself more than anyone else. nothing like xander would have done) but he was not ignorant to the tight lips of his father's last standing staff or his people. The people who didn't acknowledge him as the true heir; didn't want the son of a mistress to take the throne. And the ones who wanted their family's rule to end with Garon. There was nothing Leo could do about the people of Nohr who preemptively disliked him, but the first thing he had done as king was to dismiss his fathers last followers and anyone who had previously been hired with dubious background. This had not been received well but even Camilla agreed that this was a better decision than to risk opposition from within when Nohr was at its most fragile state.

And Camilla would know about being fragile. She is going to leave soon - Leo feels it in his core. He feels it like an ache whenever he sees her weary smile. She is broken and she cannot heal within the castle walls. When she leaves, Leo will not stop her. For as much as he needs her (is terrified of being left alone) he loves her far, far too much to let her continue to crumble under the weight of her siblings' death and the silence they left behind.

Leo takes a deep breath, regretting the short moments he's had this week to think between rooms and meetings and scripts because it always leads to this.

He reasons, Camilla will probably take her retainers with her, Beruka and Selena. He rathers she did. But that leaves him to wonder what will become of Odin and Laslow. Since the three arrived together it only makes sense that they would leave together.

Thinking about that sparks a whole other ache within him. An anxiety that rattles through his chest and renders him breathless. Odin's been off since he told him about Elise's death and Leo's not ready to talk to him about it yet. He's not ready to face the possibility of him leaving or hear it from Odin's own mouth.

So that leaves Laslow. Laslow who has been bedridden since they retrieved him - just a room away from Xander's body.

What he feels about Laslow is.. complicated. Though, he knows for sure that he feels selfish when it comes to him. The dread he feels about his possible departure is a completely different monster than what Odin's haunts him with. He's already down two siblings (three, he reminds himself. its been three all along, and will be four with camilla). Three retainers. He doesn't want anyone else to leave and Laslow is ......

Leo shakes his head. Stop it. Stop it.

And yet, in his wandering, he's found himself in front of the room Laslow's been holed up in, his knuckles just a breath away from giving away his presence. He's not ready for this. He's not ready for any of this.

He knocks. ] Laslow. I'm coming in.

Edited 2016-07-18 04:32 (UTC)

[ Deep down, Laslow wishes he could say no to Leo, tell him don't come in, don't even look at him, because he too is afraid of abandonment. Leo and Camilla could easily blame him for their siblings' deaths - after all, isn't a retainer supposed to protect their liege and the royal family as a whole? Isn't being alive when the one you're supposed to serve is dead the ultimate sign of failure? And if he couldn't stay in Castle Krakenburg, or even Nohr at all, then where would he go? Back to Ylisse, with his broken heart? He could probably convince Odin and Selena to join him, but he didn't want to leave. Not when he'd grown to love this land, this place that Xander loved so dearly, wanted to change for the better with all his heart. But the mere thought of Leo or Camilla resenting him for what he did (or, more accurately, didn't do) is enough to make his throat tighten and his flight instincts kick into overdrive.

Not that he's going anywhere now, with the pain he's in. And there's more than just fear occupying his mind - despite everything else, he worries about Leo. Not just because he's Xander's younger brother (though he'd be lying to himself if that wasn't a factor somewhere), but genuinely, because he's dear to Odin, a good person, probably (understandably) hurt deeply by the war. And even if he'd rather him killed for treason, for betraying Nohr by not saving Xander, he still wants to help in any way he can.

He wipes the tears away from his eyes with the heel of his hand and replies, willing himself to calm down. ] A- alright.

[ Good thing he's not trying to convince Leo he's okay, because he's probably already managed to fail at that.

Once Leo's in the room, Laslow looks up at him. The exhaustion is noticeable in his face, in the dark circles under his eyes and the unruliness of his hair. His attempt at his usual smile only brings the corners of his mouth up a smidge before dropping back down, the effort of acting chipper too much for him. ] What brings you here, Lord Leo?

[ "King Leo", his brain corrects, but he remains quiet about his mistake - the coronation wasn't too long ago, and he wasn't sure how Leo might react to the former to-be king's retainer calling him a title that, under good circumstances, he wouldn't be bearing so young. ]

[It is definitely a shock to see Laslow in such a state. Leo is used to seeing him trailing after Xander, happy, peachy skin warm and full of life. Nothing less than a pleasant or confident smile on his face. The person in front of him is a stranger to Leo.]

I came to see how you were doing. It's taking quite some time for you to heal, isn't it? Corrin's lackeys did a number on you.

[He pinches his eyes shut as soon as the words tumble out. That isn't what he wants to say. That is the last thing he wants to say.

Anxiety and regret bite at Leo's finger tips again so he hides his hands behind his back. He clenches and unclenches them to stave off the static. But he can't bring himself to amend what's already been said.]

[ Accidental or not, Laslow still flinches at his words. Before he can stop himself, he replies: ]

Not enough of one.

[ But he doesn't dwell on the thought long (doesn't let either of them do so), and instead continues to talk. ] But... yes, they did. The clerics say that I'm recovering slower than they expected, but that I should be able to move back to my own quarters in a few days time.

[ Not that he's emotionally ready to go back yet, with everything left as it was before the final battle. But that's a bridge he'd have to cross when he got there. ] They recommend I wait to return to my duties, to avoid any mishaps. [ Unmentioned goes the fact that he doesn't have any duties to return to. ] Also, they warned me that the scars will likely be permanent.

[ His laughter at that is hallow. Like he needed help remembering his mistakes. ] Nothing like a warrior with a few battle scars to impress people, right? [ ... he might sound more convincing and like his old self were his voice not so strained. ]

I'm sure some people like that. [Leo doesn't like men who show off their battle scars and he doesn't like women who marvel at them. However, that's irrelevant so he tries to shake the remark.

He realizes he has nothing to say to Laslow, though. Nothing good at least. He's recovering slower? That's terrible and he's sure Laslow's mental state isn't doing him any favors. He'll be able to go back to his own quarters? Leo knows what the retainers' living arrangements are; that's not going to help him either. At least he seems willing to return to his duties - and ah, there it is.

That is the whole reason he is here, isn't it? Fear driving him to check in and make sure no one else has or will up and vanish on him. So, it was now or never.]

Actually, I also came to discuss that with you. [He starts, clenching his fists behind his back again.] Your duties.

[And he stops, because words have been hard to come by in the past week ~~and because I want Laslow to panic~~.]

[ Laslow knew they couldn't dance around the subject forever - especially with Leo, who's never been known to beat around the bush. But he feels panic washing over him like a tidal wave, filling his lungs with dread. He can't imagine how Leo would phrase it: a simple "you're dismissed from all your duties"? A passionate rant, revealing the blood (Xander's, Elise's, Peri's) on his hands, before demanding he never show his head near Nohr again? Or... what?

He tries to hide how nervous he is, but he's never been good at masking his emotions behind anything but a smile - and try as he may, the corners of his mouth just won't lift up.

His hands hold tightly onto the blankets once more, as though that'll help him handle how deeply Leo's words can cut. ] Wh... what about them, L- King Leo? [ This time, he catches himself. ]

[Leo notices it, too. It makes the static in his fingers crackle. They feel numb.]

With Xander's death, you're technically dismissed of your duties as a retainer. [The words feel like cotton in his mouth. No matter how many times he says it, it doesn't feel real. He knows from the atmosphere around the castle, Camilla's despondence, even Laslow's weak state, that it is. but he still expects to see Xander sitting across him for meals. Why isn't Xander here hovering over Laslow's shoulder as they speak? And where's Elise to tease him for having his collar inside out again?

Leo breathes and returns to the moment. To Laslow.]

However, you are not required to leave Castle Krakenburg. You are free to take on other duties once you're fully healed. I only wish to know of your intentions.

My intentions? [ Laslow echoes, heart pounding painfully in his chest. Of course he means if he's staying or leaving as mysteriously as he arrived - unlike Odin and Selena, his liege is no longer alive, so he has no more reason to stay. The three of them have yet to speak about it - his near-death experience is the unspoken reason for delay - but now that the war's over they each have to decide what to do from now on.

Deep down his heart yearns to return to Ylisse, to cry on his mother's shoulder about all that has happened, to see his dear friends and family again, but... ] I wish to remain here. I- I want to stand by your side, and help you rebuild Nohr. If you would have me.

[ The panic has yet to subside - he feels his throat tighten and the sting of tears in his eyes. ] Though, I would understand if you didn't want me to. After all, I... I failed to protect your brother.

[ Boy, does it hurt to say that out loud. ]

[Leo tries not to let the relief show on his face but he sags instead and the sound of his armor clashing together betrays him. He wants to stay. Laslow wants to stay. It's the first bit of good news he's heard in ages.]

I don't know all the details. [He knows Xander insisted on facing off with Corrin on his own. He knows he wished Corrin luck.] But from what I've been told, Xander made the decision to handle things on his own. He wouldn't have isolated himself and Corrin otherwise. You didn't protect him but he didn't give you a chance and I cannot punish you for that. [Despite everything, faulting Laslow for failing had never once crossed Leo's mind. Who could blame someone who hadn't even been in the same room. Someone who still had fought valiantly and hard enough to land himself in an infirmary bed still weeks away from recovery.]

It would be irresponsible of me to send away one of our best men when we're shorthanded anyway. [Leo shifts again, putting weight on his left leg and adjusting his arms.] If you haven't heard, I've recently released my father's - [dammit] ... the late King's remaining personnel. So...

[He doesn't know how to word this. His heart screams all the things he can't allow himself to say: he can't do this alone. He needs help. He needs Laslow. He's terrified of being abandoned by anyone else. He's terrified of the last piece of Xander's presence leaving his side.

He only mutters:] You are needed here.

[ "I should be punished, though - I disobeyed his orders for nothing."

Those words are on the tip of his tongue, but they slide down his throat to the pit of his stomach as Leo continues to talk. And then Leo says those four simple words - you are needed here - and before he can stop himself his shoulders begin to shake and he chokes out a sob. His still healing wounds scream with each tremor of his body but he lets them because despite being bedridden this was the best he's felt in over a week.

It'd be a while yet before he could forgive himself - but if one of the people who'd have the most reason to curse his existence didn't hate him, then maybe things would be okay. ] Th... thank you.

[ He sucks in a breath and wipes at his face, first with his hands and then with the blankets when the tears won't stop. ] I... I won't let you down. I promise.

I know you wont. [There's a great pause between them. Silent save for Laslow's sniffles and it feels like it lasts forever.

Leo remains surprised and unsure what to do about Laslow's sudden tears. He he hasn't seen anyone besides Elise cry as hard as Laslow is in the longest time. And comforting Elise had always been easy, especially when she was younger. All it took was scooping her up into his arms, rubbing her back and whispering soothing words to her. As she got older it took a little more pampering to calm her down but it still came easy to Leo.

Now, Leo hesitates. It's not like he can hold Laslow. He can't really do anything besides bite his lip and breathe.

Just as he thinks it might be a good time to leave, he realizes something and it's spilling out before he can stop himself.]

A-actually, for that reason, I have another proposition for you. You don't have to answer now and you certainly don't have to say yes. [It may be too soon, he thinks. But he saw how far Laslow went so far for Xander, and in the moment he knows he wants this. He wants to keep Laslow close and he thinks it would be a comfort to Laslow as well.] I'd like to take you on as another retainer.

[ Laslow feels he should apologize for the tears - how embarrassing, for someone of his age with his life experiences, to cry like this. But it's the best thing he's heard in a long time, probably since Xander's family started falling apart.

Or. Well. Maybe he'd have to amend that to second best, because Leo's next words take the breath right out of him. To say the offer's a comfort to Laslow would be an understatement.

He knows his answer, so without a hesitation he replies. ]

Yes. [ There's more tears and more shaky breathing, but finally, finally the corners of his lips lift naturally to a small but honest smile. ] It would be an honor to be your retainer, King Leo.

[ He knows this is bold, and perhaps a tad bit inappropriate given their difference and status and his own physical state, but... ] ... May I hold you for a moment? You've no idea the weight you've just lifted off my shoulders. [ To not be blamed for Xander's death - for any of the tragic losses of that battle - and on top of that, to be able to serve the king, Xander's younger brother? It all honestly feels too good to be true. ]

[Laslow keeps surprising him. Leo can't help but let it show on his face this time, with the upturn of his eyebrows.]

Erm, is that - [The best idea? Status isn't even Leo's concern. His concern is Laslow's physical condition and the weight of his own armor. He's not even wearing his heaviest pieces but he knows they'll be uncomfortable pressing against any wounds.

However. He also knows Laslow needs this. It's evident in his face. And Leo's pretty sure he needs it too. He sighs.] Don't hurt yourself.

[He takes a seat, gently, on the side of Laslow's bed and turns his body into position. One arm holds him braced against the bed while he loosely winds the other behind Laslow's back. He's honestly barely touching him out of fear of hurting him so Laslow will have to make the move for anything stronger.]

[ Admittedly, it's easier to convince Leo than he expects. But Laslow's not about to complain, not when he feels so happy and is desperately chasing away the thoughts of this only being a good (for once) dream.

Leo's hand feels heavy against his back, but its weight is comforting. Concrete. Real. He falls forward easily, arms wrapping around his torso to hold him. ] ... Thanks. [ Not really having a comfortable place to rest his head, he leans it gently against Leo's and inhales deeply.

They’re alive. Weeks - months, maybe even years from recovering from the war, sure. But they still draw breath. That's enough for now.

Without thinking, he squeezes Leo tighter - and instantly regrets it, as his body screams in protest and he winces. ] Ah- [ For the record, armor really is uncomfortable against nearly fatal wounds. He laughs sheepishly and settles back in the comfortable but loose embrace. ] I'm fine, I'm fine. [ A quick response, to assuage Leo's worries.

The words become a mantra - I'm fine. I'm fine. - over the subsequent weeks, as he spends days drifting in and out of consciousness, as he returns to the quarters where he and Peri dwelled (he doesn't touch anything of hers. can't bring himself to do it. tells all the staff to leave it be, he'll get to it eventually), as Camilla takes her leave with Beruka and Serena in tow (his heart aches, watching the two wyverns with their riders take to the skies, and he only imagines Leo feels worse), as he regains his strength and is officially sworn as Leo’s third retainer. Sometimes it's a lie to chase off worries, other times the truth. But usually just a reassurance to himself, to remind himself that the only way now is forward, despite how easily it might be to fall back and dwell on Xander, Elise, and Peri.

It's the same as when his mother and father died, or his friends' parents – think too long, or too hard, and his feet would get stuck in the muck of nostalgia. Now that he has something – someone, too – to work for, he can't afford the luxury of dwelling in the past.

Sure, this means he's not letting himself mourn completely, but it's fine. Right? He's spent far too long dead to the world for his taste.

Having finished his assigned tasks, he knocks firmly on the door to Leo's room. Maybe Leo could give him more busy work, or something. ] Milord, it's Laslow. May I come in?

[Leo's tired. He's so very tired.

He's been working nonstop since Camilla's departure, just drowning himself in letters from his people and other nobles. Trying to make sense of new decrees and negotiations from Hoshido and everything that's been thrown his way as the new king. He's only stopped for Laslow being sworn in and even that he attended somewhat vacant (he feels terrible for that. Laslow deserves better). He can probably count the hours of sleep he's gotten over the past few days on two hands.

But if he doesn't stop, then he doesn't have to think either. He doesn't have to dream. He's not dodging nostalgia like Laslow; he's dodging the very present reality that all his siblings are gone. Two never to come back. He'd much rather read some noble's drivel, subtly talking down to him like he doesn't know what he's doing, than to think about them or anything.

So, Leo's tired. But he's not tired. He's not. He's fine. He's not nodding off at his desk, his chin propped in his hand occasionally slipping when his head droops. And he most certainly is not shaken out of a brief slumber when Laslow knocks on the door.

It takes him a moment for his senses to come back to him and for him to realize what's going on. Though, he's still not properly thinking when he answers.]

Laslow? Yes..? What is it?

[ Leo didn't explicitly say no to him entering, so he goes ahead and steps inside, closing the door behind him.

Over the past few weeks, Laslow has quietly watched exhaustion take root in Nohr's young king, show its colors in dark purple rings under his eyes, paleness in his skin, and the occasional slip of focus in moments like this. It's humorous, in a bitter sort of way, to see him like this, when he hasn't been back on his feet for very long after near-fatal injuries and yet somehow looks better off than him.

He crosses his arms behind his back and looks Leo directly in the eyes. ] I have completed my tasks, my liege.

[ blah blah blah relaying information that i don't want to bullshit!!! basically not horrible news!!!!

Laslow lets all that he's said sink in before continuing. ] I do have something else to bring up. Something... personal. [ A nagging part of him says this isn't his place - he can't imagine the weight of the crown that now rests upon Leo's head, a weight he probably never expected to have upon him - but he knows Niles and Odin have similar concerns as well. From their limited time together, he's gathered that Niles isn't exactly the emotional conversationalist type - and he knows Odin's still torn up about Elise and now Selena, for reasons he can only make guesses at. So it's up to him to broach the subject.

He takes a deep breath, hands tense. ] ... When was the last time you've had a full night's slept?

[Leo's half listening, but he gets the gist of Laslow's update. He's about to respond as such when Laslow begins again and he stops. Lips pull into a thin line and even thinner when Laslow finally asks.]

Excuse me? I don't see what that has to do with anything?

[He doesn't mean to be defensive; he knows Laslow means well. But...if Laslow can see his fatigue, then others might as well. And he shouldn't be showing his distress so easily, so soon, when Xander pulled this off so gracefully. Brushing it off seems like the easiest thing to do.]

[ Laslow thinks he has a way with words - sure, his track record with flirting might suggest otherwise, but he can sense when's a good time to dance around with his words, what steps to take in the verbal performance, and when being direct might be better.

With Leo in his current state, there's no use beating around the bush. ] Forgive me - but you look exhausted. More-so than usual. [ Because really, no one in Castle Krakenburg's has rested well or relaxed in ages. ]

Have you been having troubles sleeping lately, my liege?

No more trouble than anyone else.

[But he averts his eyes when he says this, suddenly preoccupied with thumbing through the document he had been falling asleep to.] Besides, exhausted or not, Nohr's in no state... I don't have the time to be putting these matters off.

[Besides, he thinks. There's nothing that could possibly help him get a good nights sleep even if he wanted to.]

I hope you didn't fuss over Xander like this.

[ Leo's not wrong. Since losing the war, its king, and members of the royal family, things had been... strained, to say the least. But his words bring a smile to his face - a sad, bittersweet one - and he too looks away as he replies. ]

... I did. I can't remember how many times I found him asleep at his desk, bent over a pile of papers. I'd try to wake him up so he could lie down properly, but he'd sometimes be in such a deep slumber that no amount of nudging would do any good.

[ no, Laslow, no crying, not now- ] After a while, I got into the habit of carrying a blanket with me during my nightly rounds, in case I found him asleep again.

[ After a pause, he finally looks at Leo. ] Ah... I'm sorry if I've spoken too much.

Edited 2017-04-24 04:39 (UTC)

[Oh.

And suddenly. It hits Leo. Laslow saw an entirely different side of Xander.]

Who knew he would let himself be so vulnerable...

I'm not sure how much he opened up to me, but... at times, he'd share a thing or two. About his past retainers, or stories from before I came here.

[ Laslow shifts his weight from foot to foot, taking a breath to gather himself. ]

You might not want to hear this right now, but... he always spoke highly of you. Lord Xander. [ After weeks, his voice still strains, trying to say his name. It hurts. It hurts so much. ] But he also worried about you. That you'd push yourself too hard, trying to reach whatever goals you set for yourself.

So... if you won't rest for yourself, would you do it for him? [ A pause. ] ... I wouldn't think he'd be too happy with me, either, if I let you run yourself into the ground.

[Leo is quiet for a long time, all while not looking at Laslow. Because Laslow was right, he doesn't want to hear that.

None of it. It doesn't settle well with him and only makes his head swim sickly. He loved Xander, yes, terribly, but the pedestal Xander had been placed on had also made him feel so far away. A brother in name but moreso a figure to follow, a level to achieve and surpass. Yet Xander spoke highly of Leo? Had he spoken fondly of him when Leo was nothing...? Burdened himself with worrying over Leo? He has always been aware of the fact that he was the one driving the distance between himself and Xander but he had always thought Xander had just been Okay with it. The realization that perhaps their perception of each other had been completely different hits him hard.

And. He wishes Xander were here to be the one to tell him this. That hits him harder.

Leo taps the documents against his desk to straighten them out and after one more pensive moment, lays them back flat on the desk.] Then I will be retiring for the night. You're dismissed.

[He still can't look at him.]

Edited 2017-04-23 19:13 (UTC)

[ Laslow curses himself mentally - he said too much. he definitely said too much. him and his big mouth - but he hides it as best he can. Even with Leo avoiding eye contact, he doesn't want him to feel worse than he already does. ]

Thank you, my liege. I hope you'll sleep well tonight.

[ And with that, he'll leave Leo to his thoughts. ]

[After Laslow leaves him it still takes Leo a good while to get to sleep. He's exhausted but there's no way his thoughts will let him rest easy. Before he even budges, he spends a long time with his face in his hands at his desk thinking, thinking, overthinking so much.

It takes Niles ushering him off to his room for him to settle into bed and even then it feels like sleep eludes him. He drapes his arms over his eyes, determined to at least lay still. Block out the morning light he knows is sure to come before welcome.

If he falls asleep like that, he doesn't actually realize it.]

[ And as Leo begins to drift off, Elise begins to appear. Or, well, become visible to him - ever since their deaths, she and Xander lingered in Castle Krakenburg, unwilling to leave behind their beloved brother and sister.

She could see how deep the pain went, the hurt in their veins. Camilla. Leo. It was enough to break her heart, to leave Elise sometimes crying to Xander in frustration because why can't she reach him? Why won't Leo look at her, and listen?

But Elise has always been stubborn. Ever Leo's shadow, ever since they were kids and the world seemed so large and full of hope - she wouldn't leave him alone. Absolutely refused to. Even if he ignored her again, insisted she was just a dream, a nightmare, a part of his imagination, she would keep trying to reach his heart.

One more time. If nothing else, she needed to tell him just one more time that she loves him, with all her heart.

The dreamscape Leo sees tonight is an endless field of flowers. A place Elise would've loved in life, for sure. She stands before him now, not an injury in sight, with a small and kind smile on her face. ]

Leo? [ She outstretches a hand to him. ] Can you hear me?

[Leo's seen her before. He's seen her in some dreams when she purposefully visits but mostly around the castle. Just out of the corner of his eye he'll see her in the spaces she used to play in or occupy most often. Sometimes Xander is with her. He's gotten very good at ignoring them when that happens. And he hasn't told a soul about it. Can't have a mad king. Not another one.

At least this time it's a dream, Leo is certain. He still isn't sure how he managed to fall asleep but anyplace this beautiful would only exist in a dream.]

I can hear you... [He feels breathless just from that. That must be the dream's doing as well.] You're ever persistent.

[ The smile on Elise's face grows brighter and she fights every urge to just jump straight into his arms, demanding the biggest and warmest hug from her best, beloved older brother.

But instead of taking that dramatic leap, she steps closer and reaches to touch his hands. He's giving her a chance this time - so she'll listen to Xander's advice, and approach this as cautiously as she can. ]

Because you weren't listening to me! [ Huffs!!! ] I've been trying to tell you something for ages!

[For the first time in ages, Leo flinches. The touch of her hands is just barely there but still feels so real and familiar. Her hands still feel small and soft but they lack her usual warmth. Suddenly he feels his head swimming again, making him dizzy and unsteady, but he's not sure if it's from how tired he is or a reaction to Elise. It's a lot to take in, and for her to have only been haunting him to say something to him...

He can only imagine what she has in store for him. Nothing good probably. How terrible of a brother he is? How useless he was in the end? Elise was always the most childish but her words were as cutting as Xander or Camilla's.

Leo closes his eyes, bracing himself for the blow.] Go on and say it then.

[If even his dreams wont give him peace he just wants to wake.]

[ Elise looks up at him, eyes still kind and sparkling with warmth, and says, simply and clearly: ]

I love you, Leo! And I'm always, always thinking of you... and I'm always here for you, too. No matter what!

[What.]

W-what?

[ H U F F ]

I said "I love you", dummy! So I don't want you to be sad about me anymore - I'm not going anywhere! Never ever ever!

[ She punctuates her declaration with a hug - as warm and secure as she can manage, given the nature of this being a dream and her being a ghost. ]

[Oh boy. If Leo hasn't opened his eyes already, they're open now. Wide and already stinging with unshed tears. The hug is so strange, like the sensation of her hand. His body welcomes the familiar touch but is also rejecting it because it's strange. It doesn't feel right. It isn't real so why is she seemingly trying to convince him so.]

You -- You can't say that, Elise. You're not here. This is just a dream.

[His voice is trembling. He's choking up.]

[ Elise's face falls. ]

Do you really think I'm just a dream, Leo? [ She's never been an eloquent speaker like Xander, like Leo, like Camilla - like anyone else, really. And it's frustrating to her now more than ever because there's only so much of Leo she can see from her angle but she can hear the tremor in his voice and she starts to tear up. ]

I'm sorry... I just want you to be strong. Even if I'm... [ dead. She can't bear to say it. Can't make Leo hear it in her voice. ] I'm gonna stay here and watch over you and Camilla. Even if you don't believe me.

This is just a dream and when I wake up, I'll be - [oh god, here it comes] alone in the castle again. That's how it's been since that day so I'm sorry if I can't believe you.

There's no way you - [And there it is. A final tremble in his voice and the tears start spilling. Unlike everything else in the dream, they're warm running down his cheeks. He wants to wake up.] - no way you would - c-could come back to me.

But I would. [ But the could, he's right about - there's only so much she can do for him as a spirit.

Elise lets go of him, only to reach up on the tips of her toes to cup his face, try to brush away any of the tears she can. ] How could you think you're alone? Me and Xander are still here for you, even if we can't really be with you... and Camilla would come back if you asked, cause she loves you. And you've got Niles, and Odin, and Laslow there too! And so many others!!

[ She squishes his cheeks a little. Breaking the emotional, dramatic mood, but it's kinda needed. ] You're not alone, Leo!!

[It's definitely needed but wont stop Leo from crying gross wet tears all over her hands. He shakes his head.]

I feel alone. [Another shuddery breath and Leo finally moves to touch Elise back. He covers her small hands with his.] I miss you...

[ Regardless of the amount of tears he sheds, Elise wipes them away as best she can. She thinks of the times when they were both smaller, and he would scoop her up and hold her close whenever she got sad over something that, looking back now, feels trivial - she never thought their roles would flip like this. ]

I miss you, too... [ For all she says that she's there for him, still lingering in the castle, there's a part of her that wishes with all her heart that she could do more than this. Support him more than this. ] But you're not alone - you just gotta open up more, okay?

I can't. I have to be strong. I know Niles - Odin... they would never - [He shakes his head again and the tears continue to fall messily.]If anyone else caught just a glimpse.

They'll eat me alive.

[ [ELISE VOICE] FUCK THEM ]

Then open up to them, dummy! They all love you and wanna be there for you, no matter what! And they're not gonna let anyone hurt you!!

[It all sounds so simple when she says it!! He feels kind of like an idiot.] I'm sorry.

You're right. [He risks a laugh. It's short, still a little wet.] I'm sorry I think so much.

[ Elise leans up as far as she can to press a little kiss to his cheek - or, well, his jaw. She can't quite reach high enough for that, but the sentiment is there. ]

It's okay! It's part of why you're you. [ elise that's not really a compliment ] And like I said, I love you! Cause you're still the best big brother ever! No matter what!!

[The sentiment is there but Leo will drop to his knees because he wants a real kiss and to hug her so he can really bury his head in her shoulder and take her presence in while he can. He laughs again when he's properly buried.]

Do you remember when we were younger? We used to play together so much. But then I started feeling like I had to live up to Xander and impress father and I-- stopped playing with you as much. I convinced myself I didn't have time for you. And all this time I was sure you still resented me for that... I don't know how you can forgive me for all the mistakes I've made but. I believe you.

[He gives her a squeeze.] I love you, Elise. Very much. I'll do better, for you.

[ A proper kiss he will get - as many as Elise can manage, while he's hiding his face in her. Her hands, meanwhile, find his way to his hair for a very affectionate mussing. ]

You're thinking too much again, Leo.

[ She smoothes out his hair and presses a kiss to the side of his head. ] All I want is for you to be happy, okay? You're super smart and amazing, so you're gonna become the best king ever, but if you're sad then I'll be sad, too.

I couldn't bear to make you sad. [He kisses her too, while still holding her. It still feels weird, like his lips are touching something that's barely there. Not warm like he knows his sister to be, but not cold either. But he's less perturbed by it. He feels calm, content finally. All cried out.]

Thank you...

Mmmmmmm... [ A rather forceful cheek smooch. ] You're welcome!

[ And with that, Elise keeps quiet for the rest of the night, more than content to just hold Leo and press the occasional kiss against his skin or hair. Before he wakes up, she promises to visit him in his dreams again soon - so he better have some good stories to tell her, or else!!

Hopefully, this night is better than most for him. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

the stars, the moon, they have all been blown out [laslow + leo, post birthright]

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