I fail to see how that’s any different than normal. [He’s sure that was the case when they were in school, too, and even as children. Girls always had a bone to pick with Sylvain and sought out Felix when they couldn’t find the other. And it wasn’t unusual for Sylvain himself to be seeking out Felix. Sylvain was very good at pulling Felix into his schemes, far far away from training. Every time.]
Sylvain’s lucky to have a friend like you. You’re lucky to have each other. [Because, despite all that. All their differences and all their fights, Felix will always have Sylvain’s back and vice versa. And one would not go very far without the other. All of the former Blue Lions class knows this.]
[ Felix lets out a groan. Everything Dimitri says is, of course, spot on - the main differences between now and their academy days are the lack of uniform and that Sylvain is, for once, actually devoted to one girl and one girl only. And he knows how lucky he is to have as steadfast and reliable of a friend as Sylvain. But that doesn't mean Dimitri has to say it out loud. ]
Shut up. Stop talking about that. [ The room is just dark enough that thankfully, he won't catch the slight color to his cheeks, the telltale sign of his embarrassment. He runs his hand back through his hair a second time, catching his fingers on some of the longer strands on the way back down. ] What else is on your mind, besides the wedding? [ Because there's gotta be more than that, right? ]
[Surprise, Dimitri can be incredibly simple minded. But Felix should know that already. Dimitri glances around the room, trying to find something to focus on. The darkness lends him no favors: offering nothing to find purchase on.]
It – the wedding has me thinking about the future, too. Faerghus’ and my own future. But those are . . . less tangible. [Muddy, unsure. He wants so many things for his future but he’s not sure if he can have those things with Faerghus to consider. He’s not even sure he deserves what he wants. Happiness? Felix…?]
[ Felix exhales sharply through his nose. He's simpleminded and he loves him, truly, but sometimes his hesitancy is a bit much. ] No, you didn't. ... Come over here. [ He pats the spot next to him on the bed.
Once Dimitri's beside him, he continues. ] I won't pretend I know what's going on in that head of yours. But you're not the only one unsure about his future. [ He looks down at his knees as he admits ] I am, too.
[ Because he, too, has his uncertainties. About what's expected of him as Duke Fraldarius, and what his relationship with Dimitri is going to look like five, ten, twenty years down the line. It's stupid to think about, but truly... truly, he'd like to always be by his side. Even if Dimitri can't be his king. ]
[Dimitri doesn’t hesitate; he joins Felix immediately, sitting in his designated spot on command like a dog. The look he gives Felix is much like a dogs, too, with his head tilted and considering his best friend’s words.] Are you happy, Felix?
[It’s something he’s thought about, but selfishly pushed aside every time. Is Felix happy as Duke Fraldarius? He’s never been one to sit down or stay still. Faerghus is not yet peaceful, so why is now any different? Felix should be out there fighting, not clinging to Dimitri’s side and nose-deep in political affairs he cares nothing for. Rodrigue had been the Shield of Faerghus but Felix is not his father. Where Rodrigue was a shield, Felix is a sword and Dimitri sometimes worries he is keeping him sheathed soon to become rusty and bitter with misuse.
The concern slowly draws itself on Dimitri’s face. The more he thinks, the more he spirals, his eyebrows furrow. Lips purse.] Did you even want to inherit Rodrigue’s title?
[ Felix turns away, looking off into the darkness. ]
... It's complicated.
[ Because he's never been a very good shield - never been one for people, politics, or any of that nonsense. But despite everything that was wrong with him and his father's relationship (he hated him. he was a fool until his last breath. but deep down, he misses him), he wants to make sure he didn't die in vain. That Fraldarius won't fall to ruin in his absence.
He will never be Rodrigue or Glenn. Anyone worthwhile wouldn't expect him to be. But his father's goals - to see Dimitri ascend the throne and lead Faerghus to an era of prosperity - align with his own. And even if they didn't, he still would be at Dimitri's side, because he wants to be. (he'd never admit it to anyone, but... he'd worry if he weren't there.)
After a long, silent moment, Felix gathers his thoughts. ] I never wanted to be the Shield like my father. I rather speak with a blade than with words.
But I'm not unhappy. [ Because he gets to be close to Dimitri. Gets to see first hand just how he's working to atone for the things he's done, for the lives lost in his name or at the end of his lance. ]
Your counsel is very important to me. [Dimitri starts slowly, quietly.]You have a different perspective on things that I can’t even begin to imagine on my own, and when I become too emotional in my decisions you reign me in. I value that immensely. [Gustave has gotten better at speaking his grievances but he still coddles Dimitri in a way that Felix refuses to do. Dimitri curls over himself, thumbs to his lips in thought.]
If you were dispatched with the knights, out on the field, I would trust your word – your insight – over anyone else’s. [And that’s what Felix would prefer, surely. No stuffy meetings, only reports to Dimitri in between field work. But he... his heart aches enough when Felix returns to his territory. Felix being his sword would surely mean being out on campaigns for weeks. Months.]
I wish there were a way to keep you close to me while also giving you what you want. But I don’t know if that’s possible and I – I’m terribly selfish, Felix.
[ Quietly, Felix threads a hand through Dimitri's hair. ]
You act like I don't want to be here at all. [ He refuses to coddle him, but... ] You're not selfish for wanting me here. I'm choosing to stay. [ Because Felix is very capable of creating space when he wants it. He spent a good chunk of time doing just that during their academy days. ]
You know, things won't be like this forever. [ Politically, personally... in every sense, really. ] So I'm fine with playing the Shield for now. You've got enough shit to deal with as is. [ Like that ambiguous future he's so worried about. Mending relations between Fodlan and Duscur, ensuring the economy recovers, post-war relief in general... As the son of Lambert, it's always been Dimitri's responsibility, but that doesn't mean Felix is going to let him struggle alone. ]
We can figure out my role later. Right now, you need me. [ And that's that. ]
[Something seizes in Dimitri's heart. It clenches, aches, and spreads fire through his chest. All from Felix's hand in his hair and his admittance: I'm choosing to stay. He cups his hands over his nose and mouth, and nods shakily.] I need you.
[His voice is just as shaky. Weak. There's something in his throat. A sob that threatens to spill out of his mouth, but he swallows it down.] I will always need you, Felix.
[ That hand in his hair turns into an arm draped over his back as he embraces him awkwardly. ] Don't start crying on me. [ But if he needs to, it's fine - Dimitri's seen him cry for a lot less as a child. ]
It's Felix's turn to have his heart seize in his chest. To feel the sting of tears he refuses to shed (he's not a crybaby, fuck you) behind his eyes.
Dimitri says it so simply, like it's the most obvious thing in the world - and, really, it is. Since Dimitri's come to his senses, Felix hasn't had reason to doubt that he cares. That although they're no longer the kids they used to be, they're still meant to be together.
Felix slips his hand off his back to rest over his. With a tight squeeze, he speaks the words he hasn't spoken in years. ] I love you, too.
[It's the most obvious thing in the world. He's loved Felix since they were children. Even in their school days, before the war, he longed to reconcile but knew Felix would never accept him as he was. He'd hurt Felix deeply and he didn't know how to fix it until five years later and after he'd stolen one more person from him.
Dimitri looks up at Felix through his bangs. His eyes are now wet, tears welling.] Have I truly earned your love?
[Has he done enough? He still has so much due penance.]
[ They've both been hurt by each other. Felix more so than Dimitri, sure, but they've both made mistakes. Said or done things wrong. So he brushes Dimitri's bangs aside and says, simple and soft. ]
Yes. You have.
[ Dimitri still has plenty to make up for. Some things, he'll be repenting for for the rest of his life. But he's earned Felix's respect and love, without a doubt. ]
[When he had gone to Felix's room tonight, Dimitri hadn't expected this to happen. He hadn't expected to come out with his feelings or for Felix to return them. But gods, goddess... he's so happy it's come to this.
Dimitri's smile is soft but brilliant as he leans in.] May I kiss you?
[ That smile, simple but beautiful, nearly steals the air from Felix's lungs. He nods at first, because he's not sure if he trusts himself to speak, but then he manages an equally soft ] Don't ask. [ before leaning in the rest of the way so their lips barely touch. ]
[That kiss is not nearly enough. Their lips barely touch and so Dimitri takes hold of Felix's chin to tilt then into a proper kiss. He's inexperiences for sure, but he at least knows how to slot their lips together. How to breathe deep and in love, through his nose. His one good eye flutters closed.]
[ Even though Felix has never kissed someone before (in his own words, he's spent a long time avoiding love and romance), kissing Dimitri feels... natural. Easy. He closes his eyes and melts into him, following his lead as they kiss a second, third, fourth, lot more times.
Eventually, he draws back, with the smallest smile on his face. ] ... Lay down with me. [ It'll be more comfortable that way. ]
[Dimitri complies. He lets Felix settle into his bed and then joins him, laying on his side so he can face the love of his life. He touches Felix's face, gently, entirely too giddy for how late it is. But how can he not be when he gets to do this now.] Felix...
[ Quietly, he hooks a few fingers in the collar of his shirt. Beneath the warmth of his blankets, with Dimitri's hand on his face, Felix feels more comfortable than he has in a long time. ] Hm?
I've always loved you. Ever since we were kids. [ Though it's dark, Dimitri can no doubt see (and feel) how bright he burns just saying that. ] ... Before we were engaged.
[Dimitri feels how warm Felix's skin is: it's pleasant. It reminds Dimitri of when they were children, yes, and Felix would get a full body blush from the slightest teasing before tearing up and lashing out.
To hear those words - that Felix has loved him since they were kids, too, fills him with so much warmth as well and -- wait. What.] I'm sorry, before we were what now?
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Sylvain’s lucky to have a friend like you. You’re lucky to have each other. [Because, despite all that. All their differences and all their fights, Felix will always have Sylvain’s back and vice versa. And one would not go very far without the other. All of the former Blue Lions class knows this.]
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Shut up. Stop talking about that. [ The room is just dark enough that thankfully, he won't catch the slight color to his cheeks, the telltale sign of his embarrassment. He runs his hand back through his hair a second time, catching his fingers on some of the longer strands on the way back down. ] What else is on your mind, besides the wedding? [ Because there's gotta be more than that, right? ]
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It – the wedding has me thinking about the future, too. Faerghus’ and my own future. But those are . . . less tangible. [Muddy, unsure. He wants so many things for his future but he’s not sure if he can have those things with Faerghus to consider. He’s not even sure he deserves what he wants. Happiness? Felix…?]
… I just bothered you for nothing, didn’t I?
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Once Dimitri's beside him, he continues. ] I won't pretend I know what's going on in that head of yours. But you're not the only one unsure about his future. [ He looks down at his knees as he admits ] I am, too.
[ Because he, too, has his uncertainties. About what's expected of him as Duke Fraldarius, and what his relationship with Dimitri is going to look like five, ten, twenty years down the line. It's stupid to think about, but truly... truly, he'd like to always be by his side. Even if Dimitri can't be his king. ]
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[It’s something he’s thought about, but selfishly pushed aside every time. Is Felix happy as Duke Fraldarius? He’s never been one to sit down or stay still. Faerghus is not yet peaceful, so why is now any different? Felix should be out there fighting, not clinging to Dimitri’s side and nose-deep in political affairs he cares nothing for. Rodrigue had been the Shield of Faerghus but Felix is not his father. Where Rodrigue was a shield, Felix is a sword and Dimitri sometimes worries he is keeping him sheathed soon to become rusty and bitter with misuse.
The concern slowly draws itself on Dimitri’s face. The more he thinks, the more he spirals, his eyebrows furrow. Lips purse.] Did you even want to inherit Rodrigue’s title?
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... It's complicated.
[ Because he's never been a very good shield - never been one for people, politics, or any of that nonsense. But despite everything that was wrong with him and his father's relationship (he hated him. he was a fool until his last breath. but deep down, he misses him), he wants to make sure he didn't die in vain. That Fraldarius won't fall to ruin in his absence.
He will never be Rodrigue or Glenn. Anyone worthwhile wouldn't expect him to be. But his father's goals - to see Dimitri ascend the throne and lead Faerghus to an era of prosperity - align with his own. And even if they didn't, he still would be at Dimitri's side, because he wants to be. (he'd never admit it to anyone, but... he'd worry if he weren't there.)
After a long, silent moment, Felix gathers his thoughts. ] I never wanted to be the Shield like my father. I rather speak with a blade than with words.
But I'm not unhappy. [ Because he gets to be close to Dimitri. Gets to see first hand just how he's working to atone for the things he's done, for the lives lost in his name or at the end of his lance. ]
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If you were dispatched with the knights, out on the field, I would trust your word – your insight – over anyone else’s. [And that’s what Felix would prefer, surely. No stuffy meetings, only reports to Dimitri in between field work. But he... his heart aches enough when Felix returns to his territory. Felix being his sword would surely mean being out on campaigns for weeks. Months.]
I wish there were a way to keep you close to me while also giving you what you want. But I don’t know if that’s possible and I – I’m terribly selfish, Felix.
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You act like I don't want to be here at all. [ He refuses to coddle him, but... ] You're not selfish for wanting me here. I'm choosing to stay. [ Because Felix is very capable of creating space when he wants it. He spent a good chunk of time doing just that during their academy days. ]
You know, things won't be like this forever. [ Politically, personally... in every sense, really. ] So I'm fine with playing the Shield for now. You've got enough shit to deal with as is. [ Like that ambiguous future he's so worried about. Mending relations between Fodlan and Duscur, ensuring the economy recovers, post-war relief in general... As the son of Lambert, it's always been Dimitri's responsibility, but that doesn't mean Felix is going to let him struggle alone. ]
We can figure out my role later. Right now, you need me. [ And that's that. ]
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[His voice is just as shaky. Weak. There's something in his throat. A sob that threatens to spill out of his mouth, but he swallows it down.] I will always need you, Felix.
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[He takes a deep breath to settle himself, and rises from his hunched over position.] May I confess - May I say one more thing? Felix?
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You don't need to ask.
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When I say that I need you, I don't only mean it as the King of Faerghus. I mean it as myself, purely Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd.
[Another deep breath] I need you because I love you.
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It's Felix's turn to have his heart seize in his chest. To feel the sting of tears he refuses to shed (he's not a crybaby, fuck you) behind his eyes.
Dimitri says it so simply, like it's the most obvious thing in the world - and, really, it is. Since Dimitri's come to his senses, Felix hasn't had reason to doubt that he cares. That although they're no longer the kids they used to be, they're still meant to be together.
Felix slips his hand off his back to rest over his. With a tight squeeze, he speaks the words he hasn't spoken in years. ] I love you, too.
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Dimitri looks up at Felix through his bangs. His eyes are now wet, tears welling.] Have I truly earned your love?
[Has he done enough? He still has so much due penance.]
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Yes. You have.
[ Dimitri still has plenty to make up for. Some things, he'll be repenting for for the rest of his life. But he's earned Felix's respect and love, without a doubt. ]
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Dimitri's smile is soft but brilliant as he leans in.] May I kiss you?
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Eventually, he draws back, with the smallest smile on his face. ] ... Lay down with me. [ It'll be more comfortable that way. ]
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[For hearing him out in the first place. For giving him a chance to redeem himself. For returning his feelings.]
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I've always loved you. Ever since we were kids. [ Though it's dark, Dimitri can no doubt see (and feel) how bright he burns just saying that. ] ... Before we were engaged.
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To hear those words - that Felix has loved him since they were kids, too, fills him with so much warmth as well and -- wait. What.] I'm sorry, before we were what now?
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